people always leave.

QS

2012-01-31T22:07:00.000+08:00

Day7.

didnt manage to go for the lung busting run i planned so hard for.
just took my panadol. never take these meds. ever.

gonna sleep it off.
pray this tightness in my chest is just a bad reaction and not something more serious.

QS

2012-01-26T19:55:00.001+08:00

Day2. The Magic Mushroom

QS

2012-01-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

Day1

2012-01-15T23:44:00.002+08:00

i gotta throw one in about the value of doing what does not come naturally/easily.

this post is a reminder to do that.

Booz/we Woman Smokes

2012-01-08T17:56:00.000+08:00

Slowly but surely, I've fallen victim.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!!

2011-12-24T19:06:00.002+08:00

Now for some cheer.

Lets bring on the celebration/.

Transport in Singapore

2011-12-16T10:16:00.002+08:00

My thoughts on the transport system in Singapore.
As a new car owner, freshly graduated from 15 years of MRT and bus commute.

Faults/glitches/technical issues happen. Man arent perfect.
Lets focus on the important things.

1. Customer Service, what is done for the man on the street who is inconvenienced. I sell gas, if I mess up, I make it up to my customer in any way I can. He's a paying customer. No different from the regular commuter on the MRT. In this case, he pays, he waits, he is delayed. Now do something to appease him. This is something which the civil service has failed as compared to the private sector. More frustrating is that the commuter cant just take his business and go elsewhere. This leads to a transport problem becoming a political problem. Why the need?

2. Mr Lui, I understand that you and your team are having a hard time managing the technical issues as well as the media issues post-GE. I can only humbly suggest that your team looks into addressing the reliability and capacity/infrastructure planning on a forward looking basis as opposed to a reactive basis. I am not saying that this has not been done. But I stress that this needs to be done extremely well to meet the people's high expectation. High standard of living necessarily equates to higher expectation. Those affected by the MRT downtime are sure to make noise, but I trust you will spend your best efforts looking well beyond the troubles of today, to ensure that a commuter like me who may someday not have the use of a car, will look forward to his next incident free MRT ride. You are a strategic planner more than a firefighter or scapegoat.

If I may take the liberty of a precautionary word, things are still relatively fine now, but the goodwill built up by our forefathers only last for as long as the people's patience.

Its a Store and More!

2011-12-14T14:37:00.000+08:00

i think its time to come clean.

this is my blog and i havent been honest with you.
In the case inaction indeed is an action.
The action of withholding information and not being honest with myself.
To be absolutely frank, I have no clue if this is right or wrong, but the mere fact that I've not told my blog this is sufficient reason for guilt.

It started from University I was sailing less and had much more time on my hands.C(AOB)
lets called the term attached and having a overseas bf(AOB)
went out, never for a second wanted to date her. She told me about her bf occasionally, then it flickered out. Sleeping together can only bring you so far.

Then there was L. She was single, got together for awhile but I was hasty and she wasnt the right one. Breakup wasnt pretty but compared to the rest, this mightve been the best separation I've had.

My memory isnt too good, but the next one should be T. (A)
lets call attached (A).
Never had a clue what was on her mind regarding me. We just hung out, late nights, good times. Went back to her bf shortly, broke up and she's with another guy now.

Graduated, work started, and once the dust settled there was S.(GOB)
S was GOB(Getting over BF). this went down terribly, but at least there was no internal complication. She meant the world to me, She just wasnt that into me.
I hope its not because of this one which led to the below.

Got posted to Malaysia for work, before I left I met C2(ANG)
lets call ANG: Another nice girl. Went magically during the initial phase, came to visit me in Malaysia, and I absolutely lost the plot. Perhaps my impression is that her role is to keep me company, and she failed. I was alone overseas definitely, so no escaping the alone time, but why I took it out on her, I'd never know. Understanding this may be the answer to my redemption. I basically tossed and turned in bed for one night, thinking about everything. And then I was suffering so much just thinking about it I called her to break up with her.

Things dont get better from here. There was T2(AOB). who travelled to Vietnam with me.

Followed by Y(AOB). who i honestly thought really liked me but never for a second considered leaving her bf. this i know for a fact.

Then E(A). who I cant comment really much right now. but lets just say she's alot less interested in me when her relationship wth her bf is fine.

Ok so thats just the summary of facts.
1. Im sure i missed out some people. (sucks to be you)
2. I hit the sack with every single one of them. some i enjoyed, some i live to regret.
3. Cept for L and C2, i dont know if they really liked me. But more importantly they're happy now, with their other halves.
4. Until now I have no idea if I played or I truly liked any of them. Or if I was abused as a child and lacked parental love and manifest myself in this way.
5. the purpose of this email is to vomit everything out in hope of facing my deepset insecurities and failures and somehow move forward.
6. This list is from 2007-2011. On an average of 2 a year i suppose.

stacko

2011-12-11T05:20:00.002+08:00

thoughts from a very normal looking Friday afternoon.

So i went to help a friend move her dog, let's call him U, from her mom's place back to hers.
At her mom's place, this dog had company, another dog of the opposite sex, S.
and they had this friendship for six months.

Just prior to separation. U had refused to get into the bag, somehow knowing of the impending situation, and started making life difficult, S, also had to be put into solitary confinement. It took time, but the lucky thing with dogs is that they dont physically struggle as much as a kid gone off the train tracks.

I waited in the car as all these unfolded, oblivious to what was happening.
But when the semi-whimpering dog came into the car, along with his distraught mother, something amazing occured to me. It heightened my awareness as a human being, and my brain from that moment on went into overdrive.

The sounds made by U were frightening, frighteningly sad. Im not the biggest animal person, but hearing U shout/squeal/cry, the divide between human and animal shrank instantaneously. The emotions evoked were as though a human friend was being yanked away from the love of his life, and at that moment wouldve given his life away to fight for what was rightfully his. Question now is, how different are humans from animals in the pursuit of Love? Sure U was trying to hump S for months, but isnt it the same carnal feeling humans have? Surely dogs endure similar pain and hurt when separated from their loved ones.

At that moment, the ability to think, the one distinction between Man and Beast did not matter. When it comes to Love, nothing else matters. Except being together. Being Loved. And having the wildest sex available to satisfy those desires of wanting and being.

And then the inevitable epiphanical moment arrived, inspiring my most emotional side to the surface; that when it comes to love, there is no need for thought. love is within us all.

2011-12-07T00:42:00.001+08:00

honestly cant rembr whens the last time i went on a date.

2011-11-05T10:46:00.001+08:00

Just because we cant be friends,

doesnt mean we arent.

2011-10-27T23:08:00.000+08:00

ISNT THERE ANYONE ELSE!!??????

HK/SH/BJ

2011-10-04T09:29:00.002+08:00

Going thru a not too good phase now. nothing is currently broken tho.

hypothesized what the problem is. and its basically a transition into a newer phase. wonder how thisll turn out.

anyways random thought: played 2 hours of tennis in a good 22 degree environment. felt like i didnt even play. if i can do 4.5 hours in Singapore. Maybe I can do 10 here. that should be fun, ANNABELLE CHONGesque

2011-08-30T08:59:00.000+08:00

I always ask for a slap in the face.

Now I realise, I always get it.

This is the time

2011-08-16T23:19:00.001+08:00

Should I go to Bhutan for a 10 day trek in the mountain alone?

2011-08-13T19:27:00.000+08:00

LOSE EVERYTHING.

Dark Wine

2011-08-07T23:22:00.002+08:00

Dior, LV, Massimo, Zegna, LV, Prada, Dior, Dolce&Gabbana, Chanel, Dunhill.

Shops visited to day at ION Orchard in that order.

Godz Mux B Crazyyyy with DL

HAVING FUN

2011-08-07T11:34:00.000+08:00

WTWO

2011-07-19T22:53:00.000+08:00

at this rate Im going into Depression tmr.

women drive me nuts.

18th July Learnings

2011-07-18T22:56:00.002+08:00

1. east coast hawker got hot chicks.
2. there's no such thing as the cool crowd.
3. you cant change people.
4. whenever you go to the hawker centre, the satay beehon and beef noodles sure close.
5. Singaporeans damn cb always book imaj on public hols.
6. acai is the best.
7. the chicks really damn hot. phuyoh.

Another good moment

2011-07-11T13:25:00.002+08:00

It occurred to me, like the proverbial slap in the face.

That it is not in the nature of my parents, to look in each others face and give each other the knowing smile. Why? I dont know.
I dont wish that for them, for the relationship they have is unique and I cant speak for them.
Look im the product of that relationship, how bad can it be?:)

Anyway maybe im not pre-disposed to have such character to do that, but I sure as hell want to try to have that.

Folly of youth

2011-07-11T13:17:00.002+08:00

Playing futsal twice in one day is not good.

Im supposed to be 27 and wiser.
Presently im 27 and aching in my core/back/quads and toes.

on another note. i dont really like the person i am now when it comes to sports.
err wait. not just now. but the person i am in general. its gross.

They say learn from others. Others aint me.

2011-07-05T23:49:00.001+08:00

The more mistakes I make, I more I know.

FO CS BYU

2011-07-05T11:37:00.001+08:00

I AM MORE ELOQUENT THAN THIS!!!!!!

There's ME in TEAM

2011-06-29T16:44:00.002+08:00

I just bought the Wilson BLX 6.1 Team!
Complete impulse buy.
Completely suckered into getting additional tennis bag.
Completely happy.

It feels like its gonna be a good buy. Slightly more challenging shifting back from 98 sq inches to 95 sq inches. But the output is far sweeter and forces me to focus.
The backhand crosscourt has found its angle, something the Head did not have. And the down the line is still there. Serve will take some time to adjust but i have faith in Wilson. Few times I hit it cleanly I had a glimpse of its potential. I doubt itll be superior to the Head in terms of power and unreturned points. But overall im keen to try.

Thanks Shu.

Tennis!

2011-06-02T13:35:00.002+08:00

After watching Barca's destruction of Man Utd.

we move to tennis. Im totally thrilled that the top 4 seeds are in the semis of the French. Happened before. but this case will not be repeated ever again. here's why.

1. Djokovic(2) vs Federer(3).
Djokovic 40+ game unbeaten start to season. Its June btw. Needs to win to get the #1 world ranking. Beat the best player in the history of clay twice in 2 finals in the lead up. Will face the Grand Slam leader and arguably best player to have played tennis ever.
Federer isnt the force he used to be because he's raised the bar so high and Nadal and Djokovic have stepped up. Underdog for this match up but has not dropped a set yet. Eager to prove he's still a force in the game, but has yet to do so.

2. Nadal(1) vs Murray(4).
Nadal is the King of Clay and 5 time winner. Will want to go all the way because of his affinity for this tournament and prove to everyone that losses to Djokovic were a blip. May lose the #1 ranking regardless of what he does. Was pushed by Isner in the first round to 5 sets for the first time ever and wants to regain his invincibility aura.
Murray is the new entrant knocking on the door of the top 4. Had a bad season since losing the Australian Open final and close call against Troicki coming from 2 sets down to win. Desperate to prove he has what it takes at this level and definitely the weakest of the 4.

Summary:
Murray is ranked 4 but wants it the most
Federer is ranked 3 and has the undoubted ability
Djokovic is ranked 2 but is the favourite
Nadal is ranked 1 but hasnt been as dominant as before.

Great time in history for tennis.

Going back to the past

2011-05-24T13:27:00.002+08:00

I've clearly moved on to another stage in my life. One which I never thought Id arrive at, much less enjoy.

In the past week, I represented Singapore again. After a 12 year hiatus. That was really an amazing feeling. Racing boats wasnt new. We've won 3 races in a row since the team got together, 2 in Thailand and 1 in Singapore. Crowning moment was the Coronation's Cup where we beat the Japs and a couple of Thai angmohs. Being the most level-headed on the boat also meant that I was also grossly out-dated, sailing-wise. My skills mainly lie tactically, but I was having so much trouble being at the level required technically, I was almost completely useless. Sad but humbly true. My reflexes and spacial awareness failed spectacularly at times, and sometimes I think I was lucky not to have pulled the team to anything less than the success we've achieved.

The number of times I was screamed at on the boat is countless. Truth be told I didnt enjoy it. My team mates are/were emotional and irrational, and they took it out on the weakest member of the team. That said, I didnt say I didnt put myself on the boat in the first place.

What I've gathered from the past 3 months of sailing with Team Send it Sideways is clear.
1) i love sailing/racing and no amount of discomfort(40deg weathers) will change that
2) i love it enough to know the difference between the heat of the moment and personal attacks
3) my way isnt the only way, and vice versa
and last but not least
4) there's always more to learn about the main trimmer's job.

We didnt win the final, but it was one hell of a run boys. Maxi, Andrew, Justin, Ivan.

2011-04-15T16:41:00.002+08:00

The Year
WHAT can be said in New Year rhymes,
That's not been said a thousand times?

The new years come, the old years go,
We know we dream, we dream we know.

We rise up laughing with the light,
We lie down weeping with the night.

We hug the world until it stings,
We curse it then and sigh for wings.

We live, we love, we woo, we wed,
We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead.

We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear,
And that's the burden of a year.

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

A more effective life

2011-04-07T13:32:00.002+08:00

Where was i? I think i was stoning somewhere when this little thought jumped into my head. time is a limited resource. we all cant get enough of it. so youknow, we try to make the best of it. try to rush through our showers, get faster download speeds, run for the bus etc. (i do these things on a daily basis). but really what occurred to me was that in a day, only 2 or 3 things you do really matters. getting a song downloaded in a mini-second is great, but what we really do need time for is the bigger picture. in my case, time to visit my grandma. time to get sponsors for my races etc. Im great at speeding up my meals, but not freeing up time for the important things. Clearly, Macro time management trumps Micro time-management. Im pretty stressed out maxing out the little things like trying to squeeze into my lift before it opens, when really I should be taking a step back and enjoying the moment, whilst formulating a plan to do all the items in my schedule. Ask yourself, are you saving time that neednt have to be saved? Saving all that time never got you enough to squeeze another big activity in, but definitely shot your BP very high. Calm down, take a chill pill. Live life.

Sprayin Salts

2011-04-07T08:55:00.002+08:00

really busy period. work is picking up. sailing is at full steam. travels to pattaya and bahrain planned. need to get a car. need to visit my ailing grandma. need to keep in contact with old friends and make new ones. drinking too much, smoking too much. im aware of that and i try hard everyday to slow things down. life's just zoooming past. Main problem is i dont have the time or energy to be that warm kind listener to people. I brush people at work or around me way too much. need. to. try harder.much harder.

the well-meaning plan

2011-03-06T11:08:00.004+08:00

Im gonna wait till im old enough to see beyond the physical appearance.
Know what kinda person I wanna be and be with.

then settle down.

wonder boys.

2010-11-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

every school i've been to.
every country i've seen.
every emotion i've experienced.
every person i've interacted.
every thing i've done.

makes me. but it doesnt protect me from insecurity.
is it really a predisposition?
is ridding insecurity necessarily arrogance?

2010-10-03T23:47:00.002+08:00

im a naturally apathetic person.

i actually try very hard to care. sometimes i pause, squeeze it outta myself, and nothing happens.

having said that, I'll still keep trying my darndest. for the rest of this life.
and in the course of this train of thought, I actually tried and succeeded once already.

thats why i even said hey.

my head hurts.

2010-07-24T19:22:00.002+08:00

advice to self:

wrap your head around something, before you wrap your arms around them.

and if its possible to reverse that order, warp your head around how.

THE AGE OF EXAGGERATION

2010-07-23T21:44:00.002+08:00

THIS IS THE AGE WE LIVE IN. THE AGE OF EXAGGERATION.
OMG! WTF! BBQ!

WE DESCRIBE THINGS TO CATCH THE ATTENTION. HEY! YOU! HAVE YOU TRIED THE BREAD FROM THAT BAKERY!! IT WAS HEAVENLY I SERIOUSLY ALMOST DIED OMG LOVESSS XOXO. -faints.
pretty much anything to capture the random minds attention.

-lets say we dont use the caps lock button, to prove me point-
today, i had the best time ever at the fullerton hotel. the chocolate buffet there was seriously to die for. Amy, my date, was perfect and she looked like an angel who descended from God knows where. Oh then came the chocolate. it was the best thing which ever happened to me.

all very charming. but not so useful adjectives because they're unrealistic hence indicates a lack of absolutism. abit like how someone who's high would describe the eatery they're at.
i definitely am a realist in this sense. and i've nothing against overt exuberance.

but even for overt exuberance, 100% of the time makes it a loud constant drone as well. unfortunately.

2010-06-28T20:22:00.002+08:00

Recently alot of things have come into my head, and none more poignant than what the priest said at a church funeral.

He had so many little gems for advice, not for christians but for people whom we definitely are.

"God, is not a religion" and how rightly so.

God is God and religion is a form of belief in God.
I have no troubles with God, and hence choose not to opt for any particular form.

So long as God knows.

2010-06-10T19:18:00.001+08:00

u think im in the thick of things,

actually im just making some sounds and noises, keeping the party going.

watching you from afar.

we ride

2010-05-19T19:39:00.002+08:00

i wished chicks knew when the dudes are just taking them for a ride.

of course, the dudes can help them out by not taking them for the ride.

2010-05-15T13:05:00.002+08:00

i said i'd let myself go after the jp morg.

wow and even i surprised myself. one week and i feel like i've already had 4 months hacked off my lifespan. next week, i will start a light gym regime. just to get my upper body into some form of shape. i foresee some beach action coming soon. and in typical boy scout fashion youwanna..

be prepared

2010-05-08T10:41:00.002+08:00

one of the best parts about being a guy,

is not the physical power you wield, or the worldly savvy you possess.
but the fact that if u let a girl go, there's no doubt she'd whither away.

2010-04-20T23:27:00.001+08:00

completed another level of hard on guitar hero world tour,

did half an hour of core.

watched the enlgish patient (awesome show)

and thats how i spent my day. yay

2010-04-15T00:02:00.002+08:00

AmAaAaZING.

took a little nap and got up at 745. decided go for the run.
Been doing average of 5 clicks daily. bit more inertia today because i was doing sprints.

anyway. finished my slightly shorter but equally intense run and the tennis courts were short of people so they called me over. played for 1.5 hours and my tennis was actually v.good. almost back up to post.KR standards. totally stoked. totally beat. really feel like giving my knees a break tmr but i wont be running on friday so we see how yeah.

i wonder if anyone realises im not punishing myself. but instead makes me feel alive.

2010-04-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

i remember the time that i'd never have to ask where you were going.
cos u'd tell me.

now its odd i dont know why or where you are.

but thats what i want for you.

2 things i learnt this week

2010-04-02T00:19:00.002+08:00

1. i always spelt itinerary wrongly. itinery

2. its always awkward when a woman says "vagina"

2010-03-29T22:14:00.001+08:00

everyone asks for help. no one wanna change.

sayang ya.

2010-03-28T20:38:00.004+08:00

2010-03-24T23:12:00.002+08:00

life oh life. it showed me a house, not far from the city, with misty cool air and no air con required. looking outside the windows, i thought i saw a scene out of starship troopers, but actually it was genting, lit up like a spaceship. beautiful and stunning are words that come to mine.

beyond that, a very interesting trip to a customer.

and a sobering lesson, by a girl who has taught me a great lesson, but i did something to her which i might never forgive her for. her answer really traumatises me to this second.

and topped it off with tennis. there's a 16 year old there who is better than me. so life has just taken a good turn.

but when i read that i knew i part of you had died.

2010-03-21T10:57:00.002+08:00

its not my place its not my place its not my place

quality is a personal endeavour

2010-03-18T21:55:00.002+08:00

it struck me, quite like the proverbial lightning bolt.

that as much as i have a preference for broader issues, and my fellow mans journey.
there are others who dont really give a damn.
to empathise with others, and learn from their lessons, is my worthwhile pursuit.
but some would choose to stick to their guns, having gotten them this 'far'
to tide them through their years.

2010-03-14T19:08:00.003+08:00

2 weeks have past since ive been here.

bit by bit time has past. and loneliness is slow turning into pensiveness.
and that has also morphed into clarity. so compartmentalising this 6 month period im away.
there are going to be a few take aways. im definitely certain it wont be enough to cure my ennui.
but least i know my life will have taken a step in the right direction. tough decisions nonetheless. but it has to start. and then i'd have more credibility when i say world leaders need to make tough decisions

im sure they'll be clubbing and all that shit. but there has to be more. and more there will be. for a start. im going to break the company record for the JP morgan run. god knows what the timing is, but im gonna break it. the current record holder is a girl. but according due respect im starting training now. cos the runs in may. all the best to me.
i've just recovered from a 2 day fever and sore neck/shoulders from dehydration and too much cold air at night in hotel rooms. so pray i dont fall ill again and a sub 25 5.6 km is the goal. army-ish times and will require army-ish discipline.
i will succeed with singaporean-ish fervour in multi-tasking partying/training.

for a start.

east coast but it just isnt the same.

2010-03-07T14:11:00.002+08:00

guess i cant force people to entertain me.

i've realised(the hard way), that everyone's lives trudges on.
and even tho mine feels like its come to a standstill, it is somehow moving along, in a different way.

so i've gotta get a move on too. hope my friends are doing well. and I make the best out of this trip to malaysia. there's definitely plenty here. but having no one to go out with, makes it less plenty.

my dependence on my friends back home, and the internet, is super exacerbated.

2010-03-03T21:17:00.002+08:00

KL... oh KL.

tmr im going to the bukit raja site. work has been okay. life is getting better after i've resigned my internetless@home fate.

bought a few dvds which im already addicted to.
so i'll be occupied till im bored and then i'll have to head to KL or somewhere during the evenings. bit more of a singapore life eh..

the management trainees here remind me of the hongkong ones in shanghai. all talk alot and talk about kiddy things, not that i mind tho. work time everyones so serious and they treat me real serious cos somehow im real serious too. seriously.
maybe singapore kids are different. but maybe its just me.

hope things pick up!

KLUMPY

2010-02-28T20:49:00.004+08:00

golly golly gosh!

im travelling for work, and a childhood dream of mine has been realised. even if its just training.
tmr i will start. and all the best to me. luckily im not in timbuk2.

foods cheap and good. and the people, e.g. cab drivers have been absolutely nice men! just talk to them and it was all chill..giving me advice and all.

so anyway, if they ever ask you, what do you call a malay boy with blurry vision,

you say astigmat.

2010-02-23T00:22:00.000+08:00

not trying to be exclusive here.

but humans are a real disgusting bunch.

chinese new year

2010-02-14T02:22:00.002+08:00

not feeling particularly wordy or eloquent.

1. my uncles are feuding so reunion dinner was a farce. only 2nd uncle came.
3rd and 4th uncle probably having their own reunion.

2. im the only person who sleeps in aircon set at 29 deg. that to me is cool. anything below 26 is cold. and i dont like cold.

happy festive season folks. love you all.

2010-01-21T00:00:00.001+08:00

isnt a corporate pig. just wishes people would understand.

glad to be back

2010-01-09T02:25:00.002+08:00

i remember again how i felt.

that moment when i told you i wanna be single, and felt so calm and right about it.

it was one hell of a cycle, but im glad im back.

i always told people there's a biological switch which flicks itself on when u hit 25/26, i wonder if im right. if it applies to me i'll let you know, if not, im gonna make some right decisions on this cycle.
because at this age, if you're not careful, things go awry fast.

home school

2010-01-07T00:00:00.003+08:00

lesson u never learn in school.

master cai: this iron is useless.

madam cai: u never put water what sure not hot what

master cai: its an iron, its supposed to be hot and press my clothes!

madam cai: its called a steam iron.

master cai: all hail the great mom. all knowing all powerful. all cower.

embarassing sia.

Question

2009-12-26T17:50:00.002+08:00

If it is right and good to Thank God for the blessed thing that is life.

Does God receive appreciation in the same way as humans?

Or can we through our actions and attitudes reflect our appreciation.
In a world where the loud and overt dominates, are we anchored on that notion?

trash

2009-12-25T15:28:00.001+08:00

you're trash.

2009-12-23T23:41:00.001+08:00

lost and insecure, you found me

lying on the floor

been awhile hasnt it?

2009-12-20T10:28:00.002+08:00

I've been pretty passive with things lately.

Seems like im in a phase where Im seeing the beauty of not doing anything.
Inaction is definitely the best action at times.

I just wish you grew up.

If i want to be associated with someone,
its my choice.
you can either: 1) accept it that im a human and i make new friends
or 2) think that its somehow related to you and make a huge fuss.

i dont care about you, so you shouldnt too.

2009-11-10T23:46:00.001+08:00

my mind drifted to that place in time.

and any way i look at it, it was pitiful man.
gave you plenty good reason to move on. but it was pitiful.
as dramatic as you wished your life could ever be.

2009-11-09T23:32:00.002+08:00

sleepless in slingawhore.

i can only expect to be treated like a misfit, when i know deep down i dont fit.

unchaining melody

2009-11-08T19:28:00.002+08:00

most probably found out why im different from normal people.

i shouldve known, or have had more confidence in myself to know.

will save you the details, you dont need to know.

2009-11-05T00:07:00.001+08:00

goodnight world!

8 months of working life has gone

2009-11-03T23:25:00.002+08:00

and everything is dandy except that i hate the fact im on training.

i much rather have responsibility. plenty of it. screw it up. fix it. take on more responsibility.
thats the way.

stay in one place? c'mon, if im satisfied i'll leave asap.

what an oxymoron.

2009-11-01T18:08:00.001+08:00

2009-10-28T07:41:00.002+08:00

really dont think its right to find someone to move on after someone else.
its definitely the easiest way.

but in a masochistic way, i dont wanna miss a single experience possible.

Denial: tick
Anger: tick
Bargaining: tick
Depression: ___
Acceptance: waiting for it.

2009-10-24T16:07:00.002+08:00

i did something u'd absolutely hate me for.

because if i didnt it'll be impossible to let go.

I'm different

2009-10-18T12:22:00.002+08:00

the overt display is only a way to deal with the times.

the inner human is screaming. and it shant be drowned.

i am who i am. and before all else, i approve.

pictures of me.

2009-10-18T11:01:00.002+08:00

something compelled me to observe someone elses misfortune.
but like they say, humans have a sick way of making themselves feel better.

din tai fung

2009-10-14T19:04:00.000+08:00

2009-10-09T19:25:00.001+08:00

respect your elders,
not because they deserve it.

but because they've gone through EVERYTHING you've gone through,
and survived.

ok ok the number is 25. years old

2009-10-09T00:23:00.002+08:00

before i sleep, i guess i'll recap back on today.

comparatively quiet to last year. where we went sailing and popped champagne at sea.

i really wanted to have it this way, which is why im just as happy this year. There'll be bigger and more Boomz celebrations to come, so no worries. Im secretly glad its 9th oct now, and i dont have delusions of grandeur. back to the same things ive been pursuing, sailing, career and friends.

the next 25 years will definitely DEFINE who i am. and how successful i become. in work especially. the building blocks of what make me me has been set, and we'll just have to ride it out.

i only hope i carry over as much childish naivete and youthful exuberance into this phase of my life. and use my eyes to see the world. my eyes when i was a baby.

thanks for reading, you're also part of the journey.

just in case u thought im not sailing anymore.

2009-10-06T18:46:00.002+08:00

hell no.

oooohhhhhhh empty.

2009-10-04T12:25:00.001+08:00

thats why they call us "MT"s

2009-10-03T14:58:00.002+08:00

quite sian of hearing everyone say so much about how this blog is depressing, emo etc etc.

but but, the truth is,

we're either at a good place in our lives, or going to a good place in our lives.

2009-09-27T12:00:00.003+08:00

being introspective maybe isnt my strong point.
and i kid not when i look at myself sometimes and i think im a pretty decent fellow.

but it just came to me in a instant, that there's no pride in that.
and perhaps i can handle adversity, but can i handle the rollin good times as well?
there seems to be a huge gap there. honest issue.

there indeed is a huge gap between us, and its being pushed wider with everything we dont say to each other.

lets do it for another 25 and call it quits

2009-09-25T20:53:00.002+08:00

my wish for the 25th year is to cry less.

its fucking ridiculous, starting with the bucket list.
morgan freeman you slut. jack nicholson you old geezer.
i dont even know you

but you fucking turned on the waterworks and you didnt even have the courtesy to tell me.

early morning revelations

2009-09-25T07:38:00.000+08:00

the difference between life and death

is hope.

you dont fool me

2009-09-23T22:14:00.001+08:00

i wish i was stupid.

too stupid to see.

2009-09-22T21:35:00.003+08:00

gonna spend the next 2 days at jurong island. will be fun!

this is my life. and im gonna make it good. my way.

2009-09-21T22:16:00.002+08:00

in the lifelong practice of zen,

understanding that 99% of the time, there is no right or wrong, should help alot.

be a lamp upon yourself

2009-09-19T14:17:00.001+08:00

by focusing on whats in front of you, its expected that we lose sight of the bigger picture.

such a simple concept. such cruel improbability.

2009-09-13T09:03:00.001+08:00

i guess i'll have to love me enough for the both of us.

2009-09-10T21:08:00.001+08:00

lesson #1 about cai.

ask and you shall receive.

colin cheng

2009-09-10T19:29:00.000+08:00

2 reasons why was today a good day

2009-09-09T22:51:00.001+08:00

1. i played tennis and it was surreal.

2. sim jianhong is a cock. Thor.

ri(eally)slow

2009-09-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

2009-08-28T23:33:00.001+08:00

its bed time and im up.
it could only be 1 reason

ShZazz

2009-08-27T04:15:00.000+08:00

i finally realised why.

that it was the right thing to do.
this was like, more than 7 months ago i think.

that it was always gonna be the most terrible thing in the world.
holding someone who was in a loveless relationship.
because when it ends, i'll be thought of as the person to offer comfort and encouragement.
but i'll be thinking of the words you said when u were intoxicated

the words i held on to for too long.

note to self: making the right decision does not have to feel right (or wrong) at that point in time.

2009-08-23T02:23:00.001+08:00

so take a look at me now.

im just an empty space.

sigh

2009-08-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

I finally realised the problem.

why there's been this sense of impending doom, causing me to take things out on people and life in general.

dammit,
at this rate, i have to hang my racket up. cos my right elbow is getting older than the rest of me.
i've always had a free flowing backhand. and as it got better, it got lazier too. and with all the crap stunts i pulled with that shot trying to make federer look like a recreation player, i have to either hang up my racket or switch to a double handed shot. either ways, tennis just isnt the same anymore.

how not to be sad, when you've lost a limb, a soulmate, or a stroke?

2009-08-17T13:36:00.002+08:00

what a nice trip to sebana this weekend it was.

my parents, mark's parents, mark mich greg and shimin were down for a weekend of sun sea and seafood. we had the usual adventures only expected of such a trip, with engines blowing and rickety bridges once again.

pictures speak much better than i do, so they'll be up soon here.

its without a doubt, that anybody who picks me would have to put up with that kinda life.

2009-08-11T23:05:00.002+08:00

OH GOD.

PLEASE

TAKE A HINT ALREADY.

blog instructions.

2009-08-11T07:53:00.000+08:00

should've posted this as the very first post of this blog. about 6 years ago.

when you come here and you dont see any posts.
or even if you do,

start by reading the blog title.

question

2009-08-10T14:01:00.000+08:00

HOW COME NO ONE POSTS HERE ANYMORE?

2009-07-28T23:23:00.002+08:00

Before M&Ms and After Blue M&Ms

you'll remember theis when im dead.

2009-07-26T10:16:00.002+08:00

Life is measured not in minutes, nor in moments.

In fact, life isnt measured at all.

Life is a summation of memories. For when we're gone, in notoriety or eternal fame, or in the humble minds of a close few, all's left to be done, is to remember.