indifferent.

hey hey. -pauses for 10 sec-

thanks for just dropping by today. nothing to say really. usually i have lotsa ideas which i USED to share with people. thru a story or whatever. today i just dont feel like it.

for the few who really read into what im saying here. thank you. cos underlying messages is what i am all about. everyone likes to be understood right.? hoping for someone to see thru their exterior, and maybe share some thoughts and all. unfortunately, this person really hasnt arrived. gregs gotten very close.

you know how when i speak, people start giving you the wide eyed listener look?
well, the sorta person im looking for is sortof like once i begin speaking, he/she sorta figured out what im about to say already. cos as much as i come across as difficult or complex, im not totally devoid of patterns.

not exactly forcing this person to come out of the wild into my world. and as i type this post, i wish i'd have asked that of GOD this evening. as I, yes i, sat in a church and prayed for some things beyond my control. the last gf taught me this: that even if one tries really hard, and really wants to, to be THAT person in your life, it needs more than just want. as tho he/she has to pass through a suitability test. not for the hum sup tho.=]

pass few months, i've met countless of people, new and old. boys and girls. interacted with many of them. just feel abit left out. as tho there's a divide between me and them. as tho someone telling me weiguo's better off on his own. and he doesnt need others. that cant be totally true. but thats what im feeling. to be on a frequency not tuned in by anyone is terribly lonely. am i lonely?. yes. in what sense?. physically no. mentally no. but spiritually yes. and that alone is beginning to eat me alive.

if christians seek a path to heaven,
i seek a friend.