molotovs

i really think.

why do u maintain a relationship with someone?
if its with a girl, its probably because of the sex. and the fact that u want to make her happy for the rest of her life.

there's a reason behind it, some call it motivation.

with regards to family, what motivates me?.
its becomes a purely functional relationship.
dad plays dad, mom plays mom. i play me.
rebellious, lazy, whatever roles i take on lah.

there's no like, interconnectivity. some call it love.
there's no like, hey these are nice people man, they care about me.
its like just ...

its not all bad, like when mom fell sick i was at her beck and call.
when stuff happened im usually there to cover.
the reason is because i dont want these people to suffer, to die.
thats what motivated me.

its just that on every mundane day which we go through,
how are we to love another person without having a motive?
some say gratitude is a motivation.

as i grow older, the word family grows smaller.
i have theories to explain why. and its definitely not a natural occurance.