learning about myself.

right now i need to do to things about myself.

1. i need to stop loving myself so much.
2. i need to be less of a coward.

game instruction manual.

1. draw a straight line.
2. place yourself on one side.
3. i'll walk to the other.


there's nothing really wrong.
except for the fact that u get in my way of achieving what i crave in life.

Local Area Network

playing Left 4 Dead with zhiguang.

is like playing, Might As Well B Dead.






i got hell loads of better things to post. but well readers. more to come.

sticks and stones may break some bones,
but a poison pen, is the best revenge.

unspoken

there's so many things really.
and i cant even bring myself to say them honestly.


there's this whole whats right whats wrong thing.
and im so stifled by it i'm half an inch away from just screwing the whole thing.
everytime i hold my tongue. everytime my hand pulls back.
i feel like i did the right thing.


the socially right thing.
and a part of my heart, hidden from view, dies some more.
the question is, how about cai?

chatter box

there's enough stupid and dimwits out there.
arguing, talking, even contemplating, is a waste of time.
silence is golden.





on the flip side,
there're bucketloads of all knowing, self-worshipping people out there.

whats been going on

volvo ocean race has ended.
have had a rollercoaster time with my emotional side.
still waiting for Linde. hopefully that turns out well.

i did ferry Dr vivian balakrishnan onto Ericsson 4, the raceboat.
but this was by far more exciting.

i present to you. someone pro u never seen before.

life is haard.

and the occasional star above my head couldnt come too soon.



de de de de de de de de de
de de de de de de de de de
de de de de de de de de de
de de de de de de de de de

jumper

i just told everyone im going afk for while.



but i want someone to talk to me so badly.

yes?no? maybe la

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,
The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're The flash of light, On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.

Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today, We can put the past away,

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...

Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,

I would understand...

mountain beyond mountains

we all went to school, learnt that 1 + 1 = 2
realised that water boils at 100 degrees
and continents shift over time.

how is it that we turned out so different?
somehow, for all the indoctrination we've experienced, its unyielding that our true selves stay truest. and whats left is diversity. we're all different.

its been said that life is 1% action and 99% reaction. so i guess how we react to this diversity will be what defines us. one mans' trash is another mans' treasure. and how i perceived to be fucked up maybe be perfectly logical to another. and how perception is treated to be the cardinal truths in many instances is the world we live in today.
perhaps perception is the only unwavering constant today. that everyone will have their views and opinions.

1+1 may or may not be 2. and since everything nowadays can be disputed. picking a partner of the opposite sex may be the most exciting and fresh experience we'd ever have. because there is no fact, only your own perception which decides your partner for life. this is what makes life so rich. the unknown. the fleetingness. the certainness in uncertainty. and the gut feel we use amidst the chaos.

strange you may be. but as your friend. i stick by you through the thickest and the thinnest. understand i may not. but support i will. and hopefully someday, i'd find my eternal happiness.
and someone outside looking in will see it as totally fucked up too.

truth

i counted down to 2009 behind the wheel today.
and in the random/seemingly unfortunate events,
optimism and hope for the new year appears.