2 things

1. im seriously retarded. only at the exam venue did i not realise the test is closed book instead of open book. check back for results on dec 26. haha ccb.

2. more advertisements. for who else? vennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

she's delivering dunkin donuts so go to www.serelli-online.blogspot.com
to check out what u can get for good prices and at your doorstep.

i've gotten 4 boxes already so ven u better appreciate.

3 day war.

first paper starts today. ends friday.
good luck to me. good luck to everybody.

self-praise. sigh.

its the policy to blog about whats at the top of my head, or the depths of my heart or soul.


my sister once said, i have a flair for teaching. i should be a teacher.
i said. yeah i dont wanna be a teacher. so end of conversation.

today, omar came up to me and told me the same thing. about coaching. so i deduce that there is a remote chance i have a flair for something besides sports. even coaching is related to sports. but teaching isnt a physical thing. so.
maybe he's right.

he's invited me to give a coaching clinic in indonesia for the sailors there WOOFUCKING HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. dude. im honoured man. im so proud. i coach the laser national team for 60 measly bucks an hour when the head coach is away. i never expected anything out of it cos i really enjoy being with the sailors and helping them be better sailors, hopefully better than i was. so i was pretty overwhelmed when he suggested me as the coach. wow.

hopefully it works out. anyway, on another note, he's also working at a very reputable bank in a very reputable position. so maybe he can gimme internship too? i will freaking coach the indonesian kids for free if he offers me an internship there mannnnnnnnnn woofucking hoooooooo²=]. am i overreacting? maybe. but im easily satisfied that way anyway. wooofu......k u get the point.

exam on wed. time to workwork.

random thoughts

i think education is generally a good thing.
but i dont think im gonna use it entensively in everyday life.
my biggest take away from education is the ability to think.
in order to solve a certain situation, a certain fixed strategy should work.

i've made an observation when people make decisions or actions based on these actions which have been pre-programmed and have proven to work in the past, they have an inner peace and confidence about the process. even if it had no impact on the outcome, people still find solace in making the right decisions.
i think i've done that more than once.

its just one of those nights i can out-think out-analyse out-evaluate


anyway, with regards to many many many things in life which i do have figured out. i think the most important on of them all, is to let go. purposefully letting go of the outcome. just going with the flow. thinking less, feeling life and not feeling external strsses and emotions. because of constraints required by society, i do what i must. if i were born in antiquity, i'd tend my farm, if i were born in 1800, i'd operate machines. since im in 2007, i play my role as pseudo capitalist. same reason. to put food on the table first. then we talk about the finer things in life.

as i drift in and out of consciousness instead of study, i know what i want. right or wrong never mind. in fact i know some of them are wrong. but let it be known to all. that life isnt like PSLE. always getting everything right. its about answering the questions in your heart. fulfilling the things which intrigue and confound. understanding the surroundings has been done by scientists for a century or so. but how about understanding oneself? im a unique sentient being. if i dont find out my idiosyncracies, who will? my experiences and education may have shaped what kind of person i am. but when u come down to the very core of it, the other parts of me which are different and jut out like a sore thumb from others are places filled with grey waiting for me to explore. within oneself. perhaps this is the life worth living. living it for oneself. filling the gaps which exist within oneself. i think what i am saying is making choices based on a inner peace and strength drawn from a place found deep inside myself. some people derive strength from god. and perhaps god lives within me. and if i dig deep enough, i will find it. and to be very honest. i think im right=]

i wonder if descartes thought about it in the same context as i did.
but you are right. mr René Descartes,

i think, therefore i am.

just a thought.....

lets see.

2 years of kindergarten, 6 years of primary school, 4 years of secondary school, 2 years of jc/3years of poly, 3 years of Uni.
thats a grand total of? 17/18 years worth of education.ok.

since we all need to learn to exist and survive, thats fine.
i'd say 12 years is enough. fuck 17/18 years is GAY.
whats my point?? slam the education system? nolah.


everyine has their strengths and purpose in life.
what if doing something academic isnt??
its bloody sad for those people who adapt to your new system.
come out lost and just go do any thing they can.


the emphasis on getting a job and going to the UNI. in any order. is GROSSLY OVERRATED.
and. finding your interests and pursuing them is EVEN MORE GROSSLY UNDERRATED!!
we're not in the industrial revolution people. dont study your brains and hearts out to break out of the poverty cycle.
we're free people. trapped by our minds!. go do as you wish, something which you LOVE. and thats only tempered by what can put food on the table.


dont sell your soul to what they say.
dont waste your life away.

6am omg wtf.

hadnt seen the guys for a long while because of school and other committments.

but its rare we play dota till 2 plus and have supper and chat about life till 6 plus.

some people enjoy being attached because they have someone to fall back on, to always have that someone.
im just glad i have these friends to fall back on.

perhaps they're right. i should just date and not get attached.
not play around kinda date, date one person exclusively, but not get attached=]

freaking good weather to sleep

okay now she's gone. gone to drink tsingtao and play with oil rigs.
i hope she'll be fine there.

to be honest? i wasnt too fine when she left.
i burnt off then pack of love (dunhill).
i had the heaviest heart. but somehow it felt good. the feeling of thinking about someone. and its not cos i wanna get into her pants. not because she's so damn hot i wanna have her around like some trophy. but because something felt different.

i think i did tear at some stage, not so drama like u'd expect. but my eyelids were moist and yeah it was quite funny as well. i saw the joke so i actually was tearing smoking and smiling at the same time. looking at myself in the mirror i didnt feel too shit. every thing was normal. and mind you, i didnt feel emo cos she's gone and i've lost someone. i did because i think we couldve done more with the time spent together, and for that i feel sad. well least i got her a white watch, monochrome tissue for the domestically disabled, a black plastic bag and a card written in black ink. because i know her favorite colour. i couldve known more.

it doesnt matter if she lost the watch(which has been stolen by now) or lost the card, or not used the tissue paper. i just wish she read the card. after which i think what i had bothered to pen down wouldnt have been wasted. watches and cards can be bought, but not writings.

so anyway, i hope she didnt lose any more of her stuff between then and now. because at the current rate she might be naked in the middle of the city after losing her luggage. kidding. i miss her to bits. disappointed i will not see her for a long while, ironic that she left on the day i become damn free cos school's out. and apprehensive that she'd wanna meet me when she comes back. because of some obscure reason which i let by.

truth is, i'll need some time.

has had better days

here's the pic. my OE group. arguably the best group i've worked with in NUS.
individually none of us are A students. together, we're unstoppable.

i hope we do well for OE. cos the way life works, no matter how good the dynamics are. the grade has got to back it up as well.

lemme put it in a nutshell for you.
i'm LAZY but yet i contributed to the group.
someone in the photo did ALOT of work.
and it wasnt me. haha. i just contributed ideas.
and answered the Questions.

how now brown cow

its gotta be said that the months of august to october were good.

november however is a different story.
its not even massive things, but little little things have accumulated to make me the miserable human being i am now.
this is hardly an angsty, emo post, which i am not.

lets start with the most pertinent problem.
i bit myself twice on the same spot on my cheek in one day.
now theres a fucking big hole. an ulcer, and a constant dosage of pain injections every day. smiling is pain, talking is pain, sneezing is pain. u know the drill.
today, i havent had any food to eat at all. a glass of water and ice lemon tea in school. and im not hungry cos the process of eating hurts.

so if im not cheerful happy retarded blhblahblah, u know why.

you're gonna say im bitchy and whiny, by hey. after im a cheapo neh neh. u can call me anything u like. im gonna grow up. be a rich banker, and continue being a cheapo nehneh.

this sem was trudging along really fine. no disasters, until the first week of november when i submitted EVERY ASSIGNMENT on the deadline. thats gotta be a bad sign. personally, IA assignment i spent 10 hours straight doing this morning till 6 am and the history paper is gonna seriously affect my grade. but well grades are just grades, but my working style here is not doing me any favours.

and lastly, you. hardly a problem, hardly a solution. but yeah its good getting a call from you once in awhile. im still scared shitless of making the first call. i dont know why.

msn.

ianB: i've been watching alot of heroes.
ianB: i think i'm a hero.
ianB: i can survive without eating food.

AUDE: goodnight cai for your quiz tmr.
cai: goodnight.

some of the things which crack me up on msn.

http://www.serelli-online.blogspot.com/
http://www.serelli-online.blogspot.com/
http://www.serelli-online.blogspot.com/
okay guys. pls support ven's bf's store. very nice cute berms all guys need.
im not getting commission im just doing this to save my skin.

when fire fades away.

u're so busy being sad and depressed.
i sense u dont even give a shit.




the time has come, to move along.

you're close enough to see that,
you're on the other side of the world, to me

KT tunstall

company

hmmm this is so boring.
life has so little to offer if u break the whole process down into days.

played 3 sets of tennis this morning with clement. my hand is SORE.
6-3 6-0 6-3 i think. i played really good but he didnt really get going for the whole day. strings broke in the third set but its all fixed now.


my sis is really such a bitch. [past occurances]after doing all that bullcrap to me, she asked me "so do u care about me" and i said "at this point in time, no."
so she got damn sad. fucked it up for me even more. seriously. after u're an absolute CHEEBYE of a human being right. how can u expect your bro to even give a shit?. LEAST i said, 'at this point in time'.

NOW, she comes and gives me excuses like, "you dont care about me why should i care about you" GROW UP PLEASE. she's 26 for those of you who dont know. editor of a magazine all. "since u dont care about me so dito" NABEH. ditTo la. confirm got spellcheck for her articles.

parents coming back nov 20.
i think i can sell my driving license already.
really wanna play mj. eat supper at siglap. hang out. chillax, u know the drill.
which is the title of the post.
some company will be NICE.

RELEASE

im taking this weekend to rest and recharge after a very crazy week 11.

few things have especially popped into my mind:

i'm 23 and i shouldnt be finishing my work THIS last min.

doing the bastard thing is actually doing the right thing.
it splits the responsibility

eic is like singapores best product since its inception in 1965.

giving credit when credit is due, and i give credit to.... MYSELF. for getting through this week relatively unscathed. good job cai.


current song--jenny.

runaway train of thought

thanks ping, for giving me the best advice i've heard all week.

im so stuffed with work its not funny.
really cramped. i took the time taken for blogger to load to forget what i wanted to say.

im losing hope and losing faith.
i wanna finish up all this work so i can go back to my old regime. just me doing my thing. people tend to fuck it up for me.
and my bloody shoulder is threatening to pop out and i cant even rehab it.


sometimes it doesnt matter how hard u try, because the person on the other side is also so full of issues they cant appreciate your own. i'm the problem alright. i cant help it.

my body and health is fine. but my mental health hasnt been worse. i sleep for 10 hours waking up feeling like the worlds on my shoulder. possibly dislocating it again.