relevations!

im thinking...

its no surprise im pretty lonely.
i grow long hair.
my friends join in months later. when im short again
(ok i know i look like crap in long hair)

i go to the gym 4 times a week.
my friends go to gym regular when i've stopped.
now im into cycling and cardio fitness.
i doubt they'd be into it.
but so what if its not in sync?
doing things alone.

anyway im no trend starter.
if thats what it sounds like implying.
im just a loner.

okay anyway hears an evil thought i have in my mind.
for greg, ian jianhong and shaun only.
especially greg.HAHA
8th october. a poignant day
dawn asked me to go to her proj supersta 4th rd auditions.
im thinking im leveragin on the fact its my birthday to make u guys go with me.
and greg, putting u thru an evening of cheenapok songs.
would make for a brilliant birthday.

random thought of the day

nicole mok looks like/reminds me of rihanna

ladies and gentlemen- equipment check please.

teh teh said im a docile dude
which i completely agree with.
so why do i have this list?

1. sprained ankle. ice pack on
2. pulled hamstring. downwind with one leg outside the boat.
3. hacking cough. with no medication
4. phelgm which i shant elab.
5. fingers which hurt when i touch anything. mainsheet.
6. hyperactive nose.
7. dyslexic brain.
8 constipated throat.

maybe, just maybe.
females have some purpose in this world.

dead

im too tired to blog
too sick to sleep
too hurting to walk.

next time mom says i dont know how to take care of myself.
remember to agree.

least i have awin over maxi to show for it. 3,4,5,2,1,2,2 thats how i placed in the trials so far.
overall second.

this post is different

ambiguous, emo, complicated, vague

all these things, this post is not.
this post is crystal.
no uncertainties, no leftover questions.
only ordered truths.

i need to wake up in 5 hours.
i have 3 mins to bedtime.
im listening to chasing cars.
sailing today was awesome. alone.

im feeling neutral.
happy birthday sengleong.
im getting bored typing with no personal relation.
bye.

of thespians

its funny how everything on stage and tv is fake.
like how we mock it because of its inauthenticity.
and secretly we despise it.
about how our own lives are better off because its real.
how some of us shun it to validate our choices.



well its interesting.
that people may gravitate(towards acting)

because at least its persistently fake.

better than living in a world.

in which we fail to anticipate.

those two-faced homo sapiens.

nothing left to love

people wish they had x ray vision.
i just wish i had a someone who had x ray vision on me.







c1=propensity to gain information.
when c1=1
perfect information never fails to be perfectly fucked up.

a tired mind

if i say,

you had me at hello.





would u hold it against me if "hello" was all i can handle now?

ambition

i should be a frigging meteorologist.

i live 20 stories up overlooking the strait betw s'pore and batam

i only lose to the frigging lighthouse by 5 stories vertically and 100 metres forwards.

i can anticipate the time the storm hits. lightning or not.
can see the tides changing direction. can see the prevailing wind and the patches.

cb. my room view is already a mets dream.
can i quit school

god
help me

somebody
save me

please
stop me

im
dying

pardon my insolence

a random thought popped into my head.
since its throbbing like a patient in seizure,
im gonna just fuck it and say it.

girls have two modes.

1. i wanna get laid by this hot guy and the world doesnt have to know.

2. i wanna be romanced and treated like a princess.


guys think about sex every 3 secs, but thats another post.

bad week

culmination of events.

some were good.
but that cant erase the fact that this week has been.
irreparable

3 more days and i dont see it getting better
i dont even know where to start

meeting people DID NOT WORK OUT ONCE THIS WEEK
groups of people were fine. but if im meeting one, its a disaster.
well i count not meeting as a disaster.

i lost count of how many people canceled meetings with me this week
group meetings, lunch(sueann i forgive u only if u go koh samui with me=])
proj meetings, tmrs tennis with chris, preaaranged meetings.

it really screwed up my schedule, this i've literally been hanging around biz like a headless chicken
eating alone, studying with whoever is around. whatever.
even my alphabetsoup doesnt speak to me.

u should see who is in the econs class before mine.
i balloted for that fucking class man.

tutor is the same. the girls arent.
IF you're me, you'd jump off the nearest ledge.
readers, please, empathise with me.

and the fucking chinapok teacher. makes people stand and read definitions out. claps whenever sth is over. claps when a girl has to leave class early for dance.
i only know how to "clap back". I DONT WANT BEIJING PRIMARY SCHOOL. i didnt pay $25 of shit for this. grow up. and teach me some macro economics.

when i walked pass you today, we acknowledged each others presence today.
but today was different. the smile was gone from my face.
and you, who never failed to put a smile on my face,
saw the guy inside who was dying.
and then it slipped away. it was that very instant of time it happened

now lets recap my day today.
fucked up.
okay hello future. what have you got in store for me?
shit? oh great. lets go.

i look at my fists and they look back at me.
have i hit anything today?

my back hurts. aw.

symptomatic

manchi: omg why did u see someones dick

cai: he was exposing himself la...

manchi: WHY DID U LOOK?

cai: i was walking to the urinals la, sure see one. blind also can see.

manchi: i thought got the wall?

cai: he think he range hero mah.

cai: really hero lor.

nightmares

shit.
i saw someones dick today while he was peeing. the image is haunting me now. damn bad.
esp when everything was on view. fuck man i think i shortened my lifespan by 5 years.

i didnt purposely go look okay.

and bad luck. its affinity with me continues. was totally winning money at mahjong
then i bao everyone because i za hu. okay sorry for those who dont play. but basically i gave ten bucks away. u tell me sian or not.

least things are rather extreme around here.
i got fried fish instead of fresh fish for lunch. thankfully it tasted better.
then i had to eat lunch ALONE cos obviously sue ann wanted to eat with gary more than me.
then i found hair in my noodles.
seriously lah.

sophie came in late for seminar and she sat herself next to me cos there was no other seats.
shes so shy. i thought swedish people should be pretty umm.. talkative and chatty. wished she'd least strike up a conversation about anything. stupid boring second half of leadership seminar.
i think that intellectually the tutor is competent but he goes way too slow. great for the slower people to ask questions but a total bore.
i got sick of raising my hand in class wtf.

bumped into yuping for the first time this sem. 3rd week already. i think i walk around with my head in my pocket or smth. she reminds me of liwen and nicole. duh. wonder if she'd be friendly.

the last two paragraphs were clearly about good things.

OPERATIONS MANAGEMENT.
James Ang. the lecturer who cant lecture. knows jackshit.
and says things like "i'll post a note on all the mistakes in the lecture notes on ivle"
i feel like throwing a pen at him. erwin wants to stab him. -prod. "urrghh". die. yay!

the girl next to me whom i dont know, started a mini discussion with me about OM to figure out what he was saying. to my credit she said i could explain the concepts better than him.
i paid $50 bucks to attend the lecture goddamit. its $25 for every hour of class time here in NUS.

everything is just either damn good, or damn fucked up.