BY THE WAY

oh btw.

for those who dont really think too much of what i say.
thats cool. cos i happen to think noone out there really gets me.

oh calamity.=p

om yom om yom

been having a short temper lately.
very quickly ticked off at very little things.
esp females.
try not to come too close.

sis gave me some "working" life advice last night.
cant take it. cos its the same stuff i've been getting for awhile now.
if im wrong. god help me.
but i'd like to live my life the way i deem fit thank you.
maybe if i dont take so much advice or nonsense. i'd give myself a chance to be successful.
besides, society, i believe will propagate and generate its own kind of human to run its machines.
and im not particularly keen on that.

being young and idealistic is my strength. not my weakness.
being rash and immature is what i must watch out for.
im not a statistic. i take them into consideration. and use them to HELP.
if i let statistics alone dissuade me, i might as well be a hermit.

let noone stop me but myself.
let noone blame total failure on anyone but myself
cos, thats how i am.

when you're happy, smiles radiate from within. 

check out the light rays. and the kuah simi look.=] 

=]

happy days dont last forever. but the memories certainly linger on.
and yday was definitely one of the happy days to keep the smile going and onwards to more happy days. so before u enjoy the photos below. here's what happened.

5 of us. all over trained sailors not short of dinghy racing experience. jumped onto the the j24. we bought bread, ham cheese and loads of drinks. and cards too..ha. $4.60 for 4 games of daidee. OMG. mark and jill have done it before. so we just helped them along. the breeze of bout 8-12 knots was great. perfect weather too cos jill wanted to tan and me and gerard wanted to err. stay fairer. haha. so bit of sun and wind for everybody!.

we went to pulau hantu where we chatted and chilled for awhile. mark went awol for awhile cos he went to moor the boat at a more sheltered location. got pretty windy then. that was rather hairy. but thankfully he was okay. and we enjoyed our food and retarded banter on the idyllic and sparse island off the main island of singapore. we swam and "sped" along on the little rubber dinghy. which bouts of insanity for sure.

very quickly tho. too quickly. we had to head back to rsyc cos it was getting late. so we got the sails up. and proceeded downwind back to the club. thats when u see us flying the spinnaker. its HUGE i tell you. lotsa power for the boat. we gybed many times just for fun. but aww it was so fun. (sorry for those who cannot tahan the jargon ah) pictures up ahead. i really cant put the word gybe into laymans terms. ha. so we quickly derigged. and took a splash in the rsyc pool. haha. so fun. what was everyone else doing on a monday. BEAT THAT.

me and greg left the guys after a short dinner at city hall with these huge grins on our face. knowing pretty much that nothing can take away the fun we had today. and we wont be staying off keelboats for long. heh.

everyone who made the day superb. from left. greg jill cai gerard and mark. at rsyc. 

the singapore dwelling englishman. and the england dwelling singaporean. heh mark and gerard. LOOKING GAY.ahahaha

the guy who made it all possible. our kannina sprouting englishman who hails from bath. haha. cheers mark. 

the beautiful exterior can only exist with a messy interior. spin jib main guy sheet halyard all roped into one chunk. 

im actually steering the boat.. haha. probably damn bored. where's my beer?! 

the jolly crew=] 

sailing on a peaceful monday with friends. TOTAL happiness and relax. 

question and answer

i played street soccer yday.
field soccer today. noodling my guitar. lol
eating crap food. sometimes not eating at all. meeting up with friends.
tennis. weights. tv. blogging.


so if anyone asks me again what i do cos i've ordededed.
3june 05 baby.=]

i'll just ask them to come here.=]

LUNCH. 

yoghurt spurts.

this is about a friend of mine.

he's overtly successful. looks good and portrays confidence.
yet thru the cool exterior, i can see the insecurities inside.
and its all his inner demons which are eating him alive.
i dont envy him. but only seek to help him. but i havent been very successful.

cos its just so important.

that what u DO. and what you've DONE.
make up who you are.

have u done something bad that u havent been able to fess up?
is there a niggling worry or fear in your head you cant get rid off?.
issit too embarrassing, or life threateningly dangerous?.
are u afraid?. that your friends shun you?.
that i will shun your presence?

stay strong my friend. you will be haunted for the rest of your life.
secrets are dangerous things. and if you also keep that from all your friends,
maintaining your "image" and "reputation", you'd be a very rich, sad man.

all these stem from the frustration of a friend who wants to help but cant.
if i cant help you. least show me that someone else can.
so i can rest.

lifehouse - breathing(acoustic)

what i achieved today.

i cooked hotdogs for lunch. and prawns for dinner. not happy with ian so cook prawns today.=]
i found and learnt the chords for the song above. and im dying for someone to hear it. too bad theres nobody.=]

im quite tired of this one particular occurance. keeps happening to me. repeatedly. anything reptitive is not good. but this is getting out of hand. why me?. wht tell me? and the best part is i dont EVER do that. haha i guess its quite stupid since none of you would figure this one out.

theres this other thing im very sorry about. its been bugging me since that day. i cant change it.
i cant exonerate myself already. so where do i go from here?. to let time heal things i think. whether time heals or it abuses weak memories i dont know. but eventually all will be forgotten. sigh.

realisations.

what people desperately need. is to know what sorta people they are. and what sorta people they attract.

if u've been attracting fucked up people, or plain trouble.
it doesnt mean you are one. but its just that you open yourself to such things.
blame it on luck or on karma or on fate. might as well blame it on GOD.
but truth is. what kinda person u are. really decides what sorta people u meet.
and what sorta life u live.

cant categorize people yet. but least know. if you've been getting alot of SHIT.

your friendly blogger. even friendlier murderer.=] 

life house.

so this is how growing up is.

im experiencing it. full on. no shortcuts. its incredibly fun and fulfilling for sure. taking the world on. in the same breath its fucking frustrating.

its really about being able to achieve all these things in the world. physically and mentally, strong and resilient. but brash and contemptuous at times. having the world at your mercy is great. and how do i move on from here? live in the moment which is as fleeting as ever?. nope. i know i got the world at my feet. but now, before its too late, must find a place to call my own. a niche a passion. whatever u call it.

in the process find a wife. a house. some balance in life. then soon i'd have tonnes to look back at.
its easy looking back if you're old. im young. and looking back at some things i find it so rich and colourful. so unforgettable and memorably wonderful. how i was the best optimist sailor once. feared and fearless. how i looked my girlfriend in her eyes and told myself how friggin lucky i was. no matter how fleeting. it meant alot. how i flunked my o's but redeemed myself with my a's. the reassurance and all the self doubt put to rest. putting the competitive streak aside and pursuing things i wasnt born good at. playing tennis and guitar. and the moments hitting the chords and courts alike made life so beautiful. its all these things which makes my life thus far really an ass kicking experience.

now what lies ahead? i dunno. but why'd i wanna know anyways.
heh. wish i'd read this when im 70. then i'd have come a full circle.

WHITTLING WIZARDS' WORDS

warning: theory upcoming. more substantial than pythagoras or plato.

GIRLS ARE SUCKERS
GUYS SUCK

how true.
and neither sex can help it.
so tell you what.


KNOW IT.
DEAL WITH IT.

life is unfair.

actually had lots to say.
but wait.
pause.

JENNIFER WATCHED OASIS LIVE IN CONCERT.
why?. cannot. banned. impossible. unfair. noooo. wahlaoeh. fuck.

if they played girl in the dirty shirt. and d'you know what i mean.
im gonna bungee jump outta my window without a bungee.

dont deny it. postsecret owns your life. nobody will be alone any longer. 

thank you postsecret. 

paranoid android

i just posted. nvm.
i find myself compelled to blog about this. to share with you out there what i think about some pre conceived notions people in general have about dating.

just happened to talk about dating and stuff.
ju: now minimum height is 1.8
to exclude a guy based purely on physical characteristics would be narrowig the search drastically.
cai: minimum cup size C.
okay but im just kidding.

ju later said that it not neccessarily had to be exclusive if he were secure and what nots.
thats fine. but i'd have guessed many girls would also have such requirements for the guys to fill before getting the first date even.

then comes to big one.
ju: you're still young.
ju: u can date until you're 30
cai: you're only a year older man, dont tell me im young. least not from you!haha.
ju: you havent even university.
ju: YOU ONLY REALLY GROW UP IN THERE.
cai: !
ju: okay joking.

im not grown up??. haha. its funny to know people actually think that of a 21 year old guy.
she's only a year older. and i really felt the age difference there. hit me like a brick.

army in two years to most was a waste of time. and i agree. but i not totally didnt get any -takeaways- from it. some things university cant teach was learnt.
growing is a ongoing process. nowhere do you get quantum amounts of growth. not in uni or army. or even at work.
i know shit about uni. and she knows shit about army.
so abit hard to make comparisons lah.

but what i do know.
is that when it comes to dating. you gotta go in with two eyes open.
its like how u only enjoy talking to a person whos listening. and vice versa.
preconceived notions about the two biggest complexities which exist must be done away with.

LOVE, AND LIFE.


ju is a joy to chat with. cos shes got a mind of her own and intellectually stimulating.
proven by keeping me up at 3am. =]

GREENWICH

hahaha how clever. now i know why greenwich is the location for the mean solar day. where time all begins.=] haha... now to learn abit about daylight savings. time is an interesting concept.

i just thought. if the assumptions made about time were wrong. maybe thats where the quantum leap which scientists have been looking for this while lies!. where the next great discovery to dispel all our previous assumptions lies.

other than oasis. another of my loves. NARUTO. presenting Gamakichi. summoned by jiraiya. using kuchiyose no jutsu! 

She's Electric

She's electric
She's in a family full of eccentrics
She done things I never expected
And I need more time

She's got a sister
And god only knows how I've missed her
On the palm of her hand is a blister
And I need more time

And I want you to know
I've got my mind made up now
But I need more time

And I want you to say
Do you know what I'm saying?
But I need more ....

Coz I'll be you and you'll be me
There's lots and lots for us to see
There's lots and lots for us to do
She is electric, can I be electric too?

She's got a brother
We don't get on with one another
But I quite fancy her mother
And I think that she likes me

She's got a cousin
In fact she's got 'bout a dozen
She's got one in the oven
But it's nothing to do with me

And I want you to know
I've got my mind made up now
But I need more time
And I want you to say
Do you know what I'm saying?
But I need more ....

Coz I'll be you and you'll be me
There's lots and lots for us to see
There's lots and lots for us to do
She is electric, can I be electric too?



in case u like it as much as i do.
its
Chords used:
EADGBe

E (022100)
E2 (079997)
G# (466544)
C (x35553)
C#m (x46654)
A (x02220)
A2 (577655)
Amaj7 (x02120)
D (x57775)
B (x24442)
F#m7add4 (xx4200)

verse 1
E G# C#m A2 x3
C D E .....yea start with that.=]

this shits been keeping me busy.=]
"and its got nthing to do with me"

Wherever life takes me.

felt decadent today. so i decided to exercise for abit. bumped into daryl and yongwei and actually played soccer with them near the east coast hawker centre. in my running shoes even. ha. ended up late, dehydrated and tired. but it felt gooooooooooooooood. yea.

today the guys didnt play dota. read. didnt play dota.
played pool and hung for abit at parkway before we headed to sahuns place to watch alien 4. damn grotesque show man. but it was very nice. like, scary shit and graphic.

tired, full and satisfied. =]

indifferent.

hey hey. -pauses for 10 sec-

thanks for just dropping by today. nothing to say really. usually i have lotsa ideas which i USED to share with people. thru a story or whatever. today i just dont feel like it.

for the few who really read into what im saying here. thank you. cos underlying messages is what i am all about. everyone likes to be understood right.? hoping for someone to see thru their exterior, and maybe share some thoughts and all. unfortunately, this person really hasnt arrived. gregs gotten very close.

you know how when i speak, people start giving you the wide eyed listener look?
well, the sorta person im looking for is sortof like once i begin speaking, he/she sorta figured out what im about to say already. cos as much as i come across as difficult or complex, im not totally devoid of patterns.

not exactly forcing this person to come out of the wild into my world. and as i type this post, i wish i'd have asked that of GOD this evening. as I, yes i, sat in a church and prayed for some things beyond my control. the last gf taught me this: that even if one tries really hard, and really wants to, to be THAT person in your life, it needs more than just want. as tho he/she has to pass through a suitability test. not for the hum sup tho.=]

pass few months, i've met countless of people, new and old. boys and girls. interacted with many of them. just feel abit left out. as tho there's a divide between me and them. as tho someone telling me weiguo's better off on his own. and he doesnt need others. that cant be totally true. but thats what im feeling. to be on a frequency not tuned in by anyone is terribly lonely. am i lonely?. yes. in what sense?. physically no. mentally no. but spiritually yes. and that alone is beginning to eat me alive.

if christians seek a path to heaven,
i seek a friend.

fashion week

as i got off the cab today, mind pounded with unlimited number of na mo oh mi to fos reciting on the radio, the cab driver turned on the lights and exclaimed.

cab driver:"woah. your nose very prominent ah. alot of girls like. very good"

cai:"yea thanks"

actually, deep in my heart, i was like. knee nah beh. cos honestly, i think if i were born in his era, or age, for that matter. he might be right. but i think i got the wrong nose for the wrong time. like wearing bell bottoms in 2005. sexaye.
not.

then i walked up to my gate, then i realised. im fortunate enough to be different. least its not life threateningly different or terribly eccentric different. heh.
the nose comes with cai. love it or shove it.=]


night people.

bananas in pyjamas!

hahaha! think about the title.
how wholesome.

anyways.. havent been doing too very much. sailing has stopped cos of sajc's inexplicable rigidity towards the block study period.
which is utter rubbish
now all my efforts have largely gone to waste.
tennis here and there. went to shulins house where the courts are astro surfaced. super.
shulins new condo is really really nice. the exterior decor is very modern and has alot of facilities. water especially was everywhere. fountain la, ducts la. flowing here and there. oh, its called Waterplace. hence the aqua culture.=]

time to find stuff to do. i wanna meet up with friends.
dont even have a chance to wear the clothes i havent seen for awhile.
spoke to juliana on the internet just now. she's really wacky. she's with astar in cambridge now, and the bond is really really long. beats me why its so long, but i guess since shes taking her phd soon it cant be all that bad right? heh. local girls overseas and clubbing are synonymous. fact or fiction?.

deadly affection.

love, once again, eludes me.

how does something so commonplace and omnipresent have so many angles?

how can i not see what you see. and why do i totally object to the way you view love?

so confusing seriously. honestly i never agree with how most of my friends go about their business of dating girls. sometimes it seems like they really just "play the field". maybe as we get older, things will change.
thankfully its been a good 8 months without any femme fetales slashing her way into my heart (just watched mr and mrs smith) to discern between a pretty face, hot body, and someone i really like, is something i learn lately. and i think deep down i've already sorted out what kinda person im looking for. and when she arrives, i'd be ready for that. what i cant see. is myself with a younger girl. im not like damn old or what. but i cant. i picture myself with someone slightly older, and we'll see what god has planned out for me.

as for shulins brilliant darwinian theory of fornicating a young nubile girl. thats just bad man.
see right girls, if the guy looks at you. and his MAIN agenda is propagation of his genes, he will still date you. and all that entails dating.

bit distracted now. grace just called shaun as mark's(her bf) scb.
and im like whats scb.
and shes like "suck cock buddy"
im like. WHAT THE FUCK. im outta the army already man. now i got chicks telling me about the scronym for suck cock buddy. =]

scronym.....lol

aahhahaha...


nonetheless. i hope everyone finds happiness. in each and every one of our warped ways.
and hope cupid doesnt leave me out, too. thats one arrow which better not miss. heh.=]

interesting.

"rule of thumb" is derived from a law passed down in england where men couldnt hit their wives with anything thicker than the thumb.




cane anybody?

for the stressed and tight assed.

if you're ever caught up with mundane tasks.

let it never slip your mind,
that life is a game.
that no one gets away ALIVE.

russell peters

according to dear kaiwei.

Men say: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realise, it's not worth buying an entire Pig,
just to get a little sausage.



and some stand up comedy today.

iceland man and cuban woman marry. what do you get?. ice-cube

french man and greek woman marry what do you get?. freak

glad to be flying back. memories will last forever.  

some more shots of sightseeing. it was freezing up on victorias peaks. shaun was ecstatic. look at his face! 

the group of guys i went with. wait, wheres shaun.=] 

taking the mtr. with jh. reminiscent of taiwan. 

did i mention we went clubbing??. heh. 

sometimes when you tired, you just need to take a break.=] 

good food was easy to find... expensive but better than what u get back home. DIM SUM! 

we stayed at this hotel. it was overlooking a cemetary so the windows were frosted and unopenable. WTF. 

all smiles, ready to fly. 

a blog.

grace was telling me how she didnt have a blog. that it was only fun if many people were participating or reading it. how true. for her, she prefers to talk to people about her stuff. for me. blogging would suffice. im too afraid of people "reading" my emotion and innermost thoughts when im confiding or just simply vomitting the recent thoughts which visit my mind.
without this outlet, i will lose a form of expression which i can desperately use in "low" times.
will post a few pics from my hongkong trip as you'd have probably already seen as u scroll down to this post.

whats desperately defeats me is how can someone visit my blog 59 times consecutively and not post ANYTHING. this person is demented and definitely abit off its rocker.

speaking of demented. i saw steven lim the eyebrow plucker from tang the DUDE. lemme give him some publicity here yea. on some harmless chinese variety show meant to bring entertainment to the masses on ch 8, he was so absolutely disgusting, he made fann wong cry. apple hong(i think thats her) squirm, and mark lee walk off his own show. it was so bad, it was funny. i hope the dude realises that by stripping on national tv, people view him more of a william hung than a jim carrey. thanks, for the laugh.

pictures.=]

growing pains

hey all, coming back to s'pore tonight, but i thought i'd post here at Times Square while i can anyways.
having trouble with my hotmail password so i cant get onto msn. nor check my email. sitting at pacific coffee whilst the guys sip coffee and take a snack. food here has been great. more affordable and better overall compared to singapore. cept on variety. bought some stuff. shirts and all. this trips been great. when i get back later you'll see the photos! spare you the details for now. PREPARE FOR VISUAL BARRAGE.

im glad the sa girls team beat mj during the laser trophy. but things arent looking to good for e nationals.
still got ALOT of work to do but im sure we'll make it. touching down at 2359 and gotta train at 8. hope i dont oversleep. hoho.

shaun's still at the hotel. hasnt even checked out whilst the rest of us have. what a bum. not too long folks. been a blast.

catch u people later.=]

PINK IC

wow, the days only half over and i've done so much. collected the remaining signatures and got my elusive pink ic back. so its MR cai and not LTA cai anymore. got into some trouble for my long hair. but lucky the rsm didnt make me cut. next time any of you see me outside. im gonna be clad in long hair. something new.

cant hang around too long. gregs coming to pick me up soon. will be back on 8th june 2359.
working on the 9th.=]

only zg requested for a wallet from hk. anybody needs anything. just tag k. i'll find i lanshop at hk to dota or sth. okay i need to start packing. toodles!

there u go. tennis yday. im such an obliging little boy.=]