ilu.

audrey and mandy.

they're fine and dandy.

one's a rock, the others a cock.

but still as sweet as candy.





thanks for making today bearable with your small kind words.
that little nursery rhyme up there is for the both of you.
today is over in 20 mins. and i thank God i havent succumbed to the temptation of wanting to know how it feels like to just be on the other side of my window. doing 9.81ms-2. thanks.

Closure of national sailing centre.

happy birthday to weechin.
his birthday was a blast. held at a very nostalgic place, csc.
party made complete by drunk men and very dicey moments.

the night before that, me maxi chin and charis played mj at chins place.
hai di lao yue(picking a tile from the bottom of the sea) twice. and it was the same tile. ended the game when i hu 6 tai and i got the same tile to win it. luck is a very funny thing.



right now i'm forcibly closing a few chapters in my life. there's a bleeding pain in my heart. and this pain is becoming excruciatingly unbearable. today, i took refuge in my books. i dont think its a very healthy thing to do. i wonder how many people actually do this. i want something better for myself. and my cousin's msn nic aptly put it. "pain is weakness leaving the body" is kinda true. not that i wanna be more strong and independent. but with one, was like having the same weakness adam had. and the other is the same weakness icarus had.

its like im a candle which has burnt out. the end. and that hurts as much as losing someone to death. the morbid knowledge that nothing can be done to bring him back to life. the bottomless stony pit which we meet when we come to terms with the loss of someone. we might've had an awesome life. i did give it my all. but at the end of the day, the result isnt any different. we shall mourn that, shant we?

a brief respite.

how else to tutor a class about providing commitment to a game in order to get a better payoff?



(not a real) Conversation Released by the Chief of Naval Communications.

#1: Please divert your course 15 deg North to avoid a collision.

#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 deg South to avoid a collision.

#3: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

#4: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE SHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

#5: This is a lighthouse, your call.

a brief respite.

in some neah

well well. i have to get up in a few hours time.
too bloody bad i cant sleep.
whats up man i say?

i just tossed for 20 mins before giving up.
so lets see. update! yippee yay im so gay thats what u'd say.

okay first things first.
i have herpes. go google it. it was 99% genital herpes and 1% herpes zoster. just so happens mine is the 1%. so my bits and pieces are fine. whats not fine are old people and people who've never had chicken pox. cos apparently its the same virus.

ok i dunno what else to say. tmd.
lyrics from the song of the moment. bloody jay chou's wife is gonna be one lucky chick. it'll be a travesty to install a radio or stereo in that house.

this ones called cai hong.
it kinda means i'm popular. cai4 hong2 uknow.
okay but really. it means rainbow. cai3hong2. aiyah. hanyu pinyin can sucky my wookie.

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑 我怎么睡得着
你的声音这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开 我知道很简单
你说依赖 是我们的阻碍
就算放开 但能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

ktv ktv ktv.

goodnight people. there are souls out there who cant fall asleep too.
i give them my all.
this is one cranky ass post.

hi doc.

my arm hurts like fuck. i think i damaged a nerve or something.
from my hand to my triceps to my shoulder. there's a rhythmic electric shock.


but in comparison to trying to make a better life out of what i've got. a little pain in the hand really doesnt cut it.

people always leave

its really amazing. how if people never left, i'd never have to blog.

parents leave i blog. sister leave i blog. friends leave i blog. i leave friends overseas, i blog.


oh well but then again people moce around. bloody greg left for 6 months. so thats a major example of people leaving and not coming back for a mother long time.


i've been thinking alot lately. not in circles but about what people think of me. and the extent of which it is true. and the repercussions of that because who i am is important. who i am decides what kind of person i will be.


i used not to care, as long as i can answer to myself. but now its abit tough answering to myself because i'm probably not exactly where i want to be. or rather, where i should be. in order to achieve my life goals, i have to position myself in those right places, to take advantage of the opportunities which come my way. and i think its time i start doing so.

for a start. im gonna listen to my parents. one of my aunts daughters is in ICU now for totalling her car into a tree near my house. they nagged their lungs off me, but uknow what? they're right. i dont want to be in ICU. i dont wanna die of lung cancer. i dont wanna hug my toilet bowl to sleep. i dont want my family to suffer. the present family or the future one.

i'm gonna try to fix me by myself. if i fail, im gonna get help. if all else fails, im gonna have a conference with my maker.

anyer

okay here's what happened.

4th jan i left for jakarta with a rough idea i was gonna coach some kids for 5 days.
here's the real story:

arrived in jkt and took a 3.5 hour drive to a town/village called anyer. nobody was there so my and omar(the organiser) started surfing. i managed to stand up. soon the sailors started streaming in, we washed up and i was introduced to all of them. 21 of them in total. 8 optimists kids, 6 lasers, 2 420s, 5 windsurfing.

dea, helen, edo, alfin, opang, migraj, legam, edward, yaumi, marwah, annisa, ajay, rindi, abi, febri, boy, hendra, ratiah, ambri, blong and yanto.

its wonderful how names have no meaning to them.
but the people behind those names do.

especially helen and alfin, my top 2 optis, hendra and febri the sociable and english-enabled. these kids dont have very much, as omar said, if they werent sailing, they'd be renting body boards on the beach. they eat pretty much the road side food, which tasted like crap and wasnt exactly cheap. each of them had a heart of gold. no theft no deceit no backstabbing. they're like just smooth sailing their lives through, happy and satisfied. i slept with my door unlocked, left my wallet around, nothing happened. in fact, they reminded me to look after my belongings. there really isnt any need for crime anyway. if u realise, only the poor people in the city commit crime, because they are tempting in a environment of wealth.

okay so we had strong wind waves everyday, and varying current. the waves were huge and the sailors did a fantastic job given the circumstances. they had no proper coaching, no proper equipment and learnt sailing by themselves. so it was pretty hairy at times, given a coach boat slightly bigger than an opti and a 8HP boat. horsepower, not hitpoints. slow given the huge swell and wind.

coaching in a foreign language was challenging but fun. the outcome is that im taking bahasa indonesia as a module this semester, and my vocabulary has improved significantly. here's a few simple ones.

who--siapa
what--apa
where--mana
when--berapa
how--kenapa

and a few related to sailing.

pull--tarik
important--penting
front--depan
near--dekat
below--bawah
look-lihat

okay thats just a few i picked up.

so training was fun/dangerous/frustrating at times. but to be honest the frustrating bits were mainly the lack of facilities and logistics.

days were spent giving them lessons, and we concluded the last day by organising a 4 race regatta which i must say was a success. laying 6 bouys which didnt drift, repeating 4 races with little fuss, is one of the highlights of my coaching career.

nights were spent playing cards, watching tv, chatting with the kids. sleeping at 1030 because we were all beat. waking at 9am to repeat the whole process again. teaching these kids life skills amidst the sailing theories.

at the end of the day, although my host in jakarta pangseh me so i came back early, the entire time i spent at anyet at bandulu sailing club was really humbling and awesome at the same time. physically it was uncomfortable but thankfully army prepared me sufficiently for it so i could focus on my job and what i needed to do.

thinking of the kids make me feel like returning. and life really has a new look to it now. i cant really put a finger on it. but not for one second should u as a reader feel like we're the privileged ones, internet and facebook and all. they are the lucky ones. happy and satisfied with what they have, living a life of smiles and simple pleasures.

selamat pagi

my dad asked me to help him carry stuff from the house to the car.
"boleh"

lady in the lift asked me which floor.
"dua puloh"


it was, on the whole, the best trip of my life.