Jasmine Green Tea

im back!...hahaha clearing the stores, a soccer game and a nice cool shower later, im back.
stuff parade turn out and some shit later, im gonna rest. long day. we lost to mib 3-1. i only played the second haly cos of duty issues, but nonetheless had fun. me and oc nswing, maj chew. somehow get along. after i "barked" at him he actually agreed with my suggestion. how cools that. respect to the man who puts the job in front of the damn rank.

i cant deny this phase is a bgr phase. its occupying myself more than usual, so rather than work against it, i'll just do my best till the next phase comes. hopefully its the "walking on sunshine" phase. eternally. have u wondered, must u be absolutely certain about the relationship working out happily to give it a shot.? cos usually i do. and being the love guru i am, i fall flat on my face. "thanks dr murphy" and being the practical fucker i am, maybe being more skpetical about things, and less accomodating would work. besides, i'd try anything to make a r/ship work. anything. drastic?. bring it on.
i pity ALL the girls who know me. i posted about this before. i shall reiterate the fact.
fact k?. not opinion. not thought floating in my head. fact

all females aged 9-99 should stay away from me. the name is cai weiguo. saves you pain and suffering. and saves me too. friendship? forget it.... other guys can give you that.
love?. love and marriage go together like horse and carriage. and cai? he fell off the carriage long ago. conveniently got rolled over by the medieval long spoked wooden wheels.
im not joking. so please. just stay away from me. please. im a cad.

all guys aged 9-99 come and flock to me. we can be chummy and play sports together. i wont break your heart. maybe late for outing abit but wont leave you crying or confused. i can play anything u like to play. interested in shopping too. err.. good for brainless fun.
apply at tagboard when its not spoilt. cheers

i-net usage guidelines

back in camp today, doing duty. no swimming...sigh. i need a swim to cool off....its such a frigging hot day. anyways yes i have work to work. skiving yes. but i've got work to do. not going for the gathering this friday anymore sorry dawn cos the guys wont be going. been dotaing on a sick basis however fun it may be. its been pissing off the people around me but yea, im drugged. maybe if u were here u can be my drug. till then live with it. cos im trying to rid myself of it too. spoke to mom yday cos she has lotsa pent up anger in her, dad doesnt help.... thank heavens for blogging, its such an outlet to release my inner thoughts. my home internet is reallt screwed up, hence i come to camp to blog..lol. least i dont print dreamweaver bibles using camp printers for $13.50 instead of seventy odd bucks for the original copy. heh. greg and ian are stuck in camp for long periods. bah. no friends. girls dont interest me the way they used to. guys dont float my boat. its time for hermt phase. not that i dont love all you fuckers out ther.e its just a phase, makes me come back loving u assholes even more k, so hang in there with me.

advice to mom, to sue, and then finally to me.

pursue your own happiness first, then worry about others.
dont ever hinge your happiness on your loved ones.
because that wont make your loved ones happy.
keep your mind occupied daily with enriching stuff you like.
and your eyes will sparkle with life.
only then can we love our spouses, sons, daughters, relatives and friends with panache

Natural Cream

at random times which strike me swiftly. i can only wonder if im boyfriend material. honestly there is doubt. being in failed r/ships before. its time to start believing in "the one" again, cos maybe, she'd bring out the best in me always. no more lengthy conversation on how to be a better couple. and no more feeling like shit when there werent even any arguments. wait. how come other people have arguments and i dont. i just get dropped like hot potatoes instead. waiting for "the one", cos if there isnt. i'd be in a repetitive cycle of getting attached and dumped. repeat monotonously. attached and dumped. attached and dumped. i'd take the highs and lows rather than boring ole single life. but trust me, i'll turn serial killer when im thirty and my soulmates still in my soul. i know its time to focus on making MYSELF happy. and concentrating on my day to day stuff like working out and stuff. rather than thinking of you incessantly and not having the guts to say anything when i've got the chance. somehow or rather i know i must change. does eternal happiness exist? no crests or troughs? just a smile whenever u see her face? wow. thats amazing, love has already been amazing. and that is extraordinarily amazing. somebody tell me if that exists, so i can die in envy. good thing im green half the time already.
somebody whos been happy all thru the r/ship. i want a role model.
-i know i can be the best, if you teach me how.

China's lost reformer

i should not take anybody for granted.
im surrounded by alot of special people, each of which have qualities i lack sorely.
repeat x 1000

on another note. have you ever considered the possibility that education has created a society of overthinkers? using the mind is a good thing, but have we crossed the border?. is there a border even? clever people using the minds in a detrimental way. committing suicide or bulimic or kleptomaniacs are patients of the worse disease.
hence i urge all you people to consider, "to maintain the simplicity of life, and making the conscious effort to shut out the excess or negative thoughts, which only serve to waste your time."

SPECIAL REPORT

what u do is just stirring shit

NOKIA

my blog is waning, hahah relax. got alot of shit but i just dont feel like typing.
just trying to ord...hom....

thorn in my skin

your boyfriend does not despise you.

that post is like a migraine in my head.

i will not, i repeat, will not, delete it.



the way of the future
show me the blueprint.

bright lights.

my wireless works again! god damn power cable spoilt. thank god for spares too.
havent been online for too long.
been dotaing lots.
chillling in town and all.
this friday to sunday break was shiok!
had a really bad day on...err saturday yea. but somehow i saved it.
xm: is xh back? im worried
aviator was nice.

shall blog more, block.



music-the book is on the table

Kingston

amazing!.. this thought popped into my head whilst talking to rachel
thanks alot...

what happens when u break up with someone, do u still remain friends?
many a time, u feel like "no, its just too weird" or "i tried, but its really hard"
but actually, you still are!...why?. cos you both still think about the other person pretty often. and care about the person in some way. just cause u spend less time and minus the sweet words doesnt mean there's no friendship left right?.
no communication doesnt mean no friendship. cos there's still lotsa care and concern left. thats something u cant deprive.
unless, of course the breakup was ugly and messy.

we get along just fine.
yep, lastly, dont ever deprive your chance at love, just as not to lose the friendship.
cos u never ever do.
similarly, dont suffer if you dont love the person anymore, just to keep the friendship.

ghett toes.

i want, to be rich and successful. financially independent.
i want, to be a good sailor cos thats my passion.
i want, to be a good man to those around me.

compromise is the key. somethings got to give.
i have a commodity known as time for me to use.
and wisely so it must be used.

either i spend my time getting filling my bank account for the future and loved ones comfort,
or i spend my time purSueing things i love to do. sailing, travelling and challenging myself.
thats a choice i must make.

either ways, thats the beauty of having your future waiting for us young ones.
its not that hard, but a choice must be made.
i call for clarity.
more importantly i need clarity in my calling.

LEUKOPLAST

someone help me, im hurting.
sengleong visited me yday and told me about the stories of sailing in melbourne and all the familiar names and training and racing.

today i visit the website. www.sailing.org.sg
and my heart bleeds. i dont recognise the whole national opti team!. those i coached have all graduated?. what the hell. im afraid of showing my face again. singapore has deprived me of the chances they got. did i miss the boat?. yes i did. i believe i've got what it takes. but going back to get thrashed by people i never thought would stay for long would be a real humbler.
i wanna go back
i wanna regain my place.
those government people who go around vetting people's blogs for content, if you see this.
tell them to send me out of the army fast and back into the fray where normal people hang.
until now i dont understand why people putting in their effort for singapore's benefit in sport like indra, lionel lewis, roy and sengleong peiming and all arent exempted. the rule is outdated babe. dont ruin any more sporting careers like mine. now i know i gotta fight the system, fight the association and fight my opponents. and yes people. after today. you'll see me at NSC soon.



let your boatspeed do the talking.

AIR MINUMAN REVERSE OSMOSIS

its a real bumming day

as i watch the planes fly by from the desk, i think, are u in that one?.
i feel, you're slowly slipping away. like my grasp wasnt strong enough.
like, its just a dream, or is it a game?.



i long for something u cant give,
but what folly to be so shallow,
and dump you for another fellow.

love stories.

just got back from supper. before that was some dota.
and before before that was the match where singapore beat indonesia 2-1 to win the tiger cup 5-2 on aggregate. apparently lionel lewis was sad that we were leaving so he let in a goal as we stood up to leave. great goalkeeping nonetheless. man of the match.

took leave today so im free, any free people to go out today?.
i just got some work to settle by tues but nothing i cant finish i hope.
close country and stealth movement AOPs.


and to you,
i apologise for contributing to your life's problems, we both dont deserve to be put through all this. but time changes and we gotta learn to deal with it i guess. i wanna be all the things you expect me to be.
just tell me this,
would u like me if i didnt like you. am i REALLY the one for you?. deep down does it feel so?.
does it feel like it'll work? i guess these questions must be answered before anything progresses.
any guy can give you love care and concern. dont let that deceive you. through the front i express myself through, can u learn to love the interior?.



to justin.
get a life. you're beginning to irritate me.

1001 ALADDIN PLAYING CARDS

god help me. ok?

the clubbing wasnt good because company wasnt what i wanted it to be. wanted you to be there. shimmyin and moving to rnb music was on my mind. not those girls around me or guys hanging about. hearing your anguish really didnt help. but i know i must lead my life happily and as the normal. cos thats what i give you when u're by my side. i promise whenever i can help i will. and when i cant i still try my best, be it in ANY way i'll be there by your side.

im getting used to it. im sure i can. but god give me strength to be the person i wanna be. not to be your perfect human being pure and sinless, but the person you brought to this world to taste the experience of life and its emotions and rollercoaster rides. and ride them over smoothly better than anybody else. that to me is perfection. in an intangible world. your dreams are deemed perfect.

do what makes you happy. just as i have.
and someday it'll be merged into one.
and happiness ensue.

HOME

did anyone see the home section on wed jan 12?. yea thats my house.
squabbling with the neighbouring dudes. got informed by the newspaper o my pleasant surprise.

i think im in a very productive learning stage in my life. where im actually applying stuff i learn from observation rather than just watching and taking useless notes.


adults arent mature. its most of them who behave mature. dont assume they do. just cause more of them do. dont give them due respect cos some of them never really got past 12 in the brain. sorry for some of them, they cant.

i've learnt to see the difference between what girls blog and what they mean/want. basically i distance myself. not that i dont care, but the blogging person may not necessarily be reflective of the whole picture. i've learnt to do that and live with it. even if u really wanna shout out. just chill. unless if u really cant then dont lah. lest u boil over and explode.

knowing whats right and wrong doesnt make you a better person. i admit today i did something i really dont comprehend. the old lady stood in front of me. i sat. i looked down. i pretended to sleep. of course i couldnt but i did it. just as i remembered the reporter wrote in the paper what fucked up singaporeans do. 10% of me wanted to be that fucked up singaporean. cos i disagreed with that behaviour all along.
and the other 90% wanted to rest his weary feet after a 10km fast march and a physically exhaustive day. felt better that none else offered their seat. and the amah was as fit as a fiddle. but then i realised. SOMETIMES NO MATTER HOW WRONG IT IS. YOU WILL STILL DO IT.
why? because its human nature. live with it. the average dudes and dudettes are susceptible to it.



THUGZ MANSION(acoustic) --- tupac and nas

11th jan.

another day past.
but i shant let it go quietly. no way.
most days are like this one. but in tribute to normal days. its the normal day which define you.
not the floating on air ones, nor the clamoring in trough ones.

i got motion sickness. i deleted all my amry email. how smart can one get?.
hahaha missed the bus, took sbs. oh yea got my game back. all beware. backhand forehand. be glad you have hands.

ride with me --nelly

confused.

Never mind, she thought. Who needs a man when you've got sky movies?

VITASOY.

okay just some random thoughts. no grand theories to scare you people away.
took off today cos jurong east wimming complex was closed and my stomach was really gone fuck.
shant go into any detail on that. xm, dont tell your parents i propagate vulgarities on my blog knowing so well u read it okay?
i dont wanna have to answer to them when chinese new year comes. then my ang pow money also gone fuck
hahaha..
anyway, yea then came home to dad's incessant nagging, [he means well]
btw the earrings off. so dad. there you go.

feeling abit shifty eyed, suspicious about some things. my eyeballs are def on the prowl.
oh yea im using my new wireless mouse and shit...
perfect man..its good.
i'll post about dota somewhere else.
time to spend some time with the group blog.

song time.

Alicia Keys - karma

says: Cause what goes around, comes around. What goes up, must come down.

like a bolt of lightning. knocked me out cold

im not that great. not that suave or handsome. i have my good points but i'd like to think i loiter somewhere around the normal levels. normal guy. normal life. not too outstanding nor forgettable.

however, one thing i consistently make people feel, is confused. especially those who try to figure me out. and when i give my perspective, its NEVER consistent. because my viewpoints change rapidly. therefore i hope my best friend, close mates, and girl friends. esp those close to me. read deeper than the superficial words i offer which only serve the purpose of letting you know i just want your life to be better. its my words which make me complex. but the underlying reason is simple. primary school sorta simple. i care.
and if im not doing such a great job. i implore you to offer your hand and help. cos im not there yet. overwhelm u with assurance and confidence i cant. but show u what sincerity does over time, i can.

once again, never a good sprinter. but always a good distance runner.

Love will Come Through

hello to all. update time.
just asked dad whether i can go further my studies in australia. mom's worried sick. but i still gotta draw up the costs and proposals and shit first. busy getting help from melbourne uni people (kris) and NUS people (nobody) so hopefully i can get it done. then use it to persuade dad. mm...4 year course man. life will definitely be different. yep.
anyways camp was tiring today.
swam in the morning at choa chu kang (wtf) sports complex. then ippt in the evening.
im officially dead. not to mention i played tennis last night 6-2 6-0 with mr wu..haha im such a showoff. but yea honestly, i played well. now my shoulders dropping off. saved 40 bucks off my new n code racket.
hopefully its cool.

someone's gone under the cai radar. beep beep. im worried. cant sleep tonigght.

rainy days and sundays

it felt so good today.

i wish i could have more of you.

2005

how was your celebration for 2005?

was asked what were my resolutions for this coming year.

noneed for those, my resolutions year and year out dont change.
they're also my life resolutions.

shaun had a fever, lau;mavis and mark;grace dropped by to spend some time tog. watched saving ryan's privates. nice show. played risk and caught a cold in the polar climate of shaun's room. didnt help that he was sick and i cant take aircon v well.
woke up and dota-ed csed and rested.
oh yes i bought the wc3. so dont get sian of it k. please.
im also gonna buy the new wilson N six one racket with the money my aunt gave me.
note: spirit of christmas is giving gifts, not cash. so dont be lazy. to right that wrong, i promised myself to convert all those cash into items...and tell them what it was used for.
happy.

to all those close to me, keep it together, and be responsible for your own life. minimise luck, maximise potential. do it YOURSELF. claim that credit. dont let people affect your life. always maintain the trump card. dont let your emotions show. and show ruthless confidence. be the one they all wanna be.

what a way to usher in the new year im telling you. its surreal.