fathers be good to your daughters

question: how many sides does a circle have?

semi-stupid question.


weathers gooood. ahh....i wanna go for a run. just look at the brilliant view from my seat.
blue sea, blue sky almost merged, seperated only by a landmass known as batam which honestly looks idyllic. too good. warm sun, gentle breeze.

4 more days of work. got my promotion cert so yea. its LTA Cai from MAY 1.
not land transport authority okay.

hope to enjoy the weekend as best as i can.
got a gathering at spencers and louis' later.
minds a whirl, again.


and u kris, here's your ferrari f355 spider.
you're still as fleeting as one of these.

http://www.ferrariforum.com/models/view/viewphoto.php?id=266

transformation

i feel different.. like.... changed.

was it the books i read today at borders? cant be. i read spam king

was it the food i ate? cant be. i ate burger king




just devoid of friends. where did my friends go?

HITLERS ARMY

what a beautiful sunday.
lets try to draw it up wont we?

woke up at 1pm.sans breakfast and lunch
played tennis from 2-4 with this ho dude. looks shady sort. sells drugs for a living i aso dunno. his son's in vj. only thing good about him, is he took a set off me. weather was hot and i fucking forgot to wear a cap. lol score 6-2, 5-7. got too tired to fight back by the last 3-4 games.

made love to my guitar. the process of music coming out from the box was sweet. the choice of song was travis. easy to play, even easier to comprehend. smple simple.

before guitar was some home gym working out. i need newer boxers. anybody love me deep?

made my own dinner which consisted of uncooked prawnsticks, yummy swedish meatballs, 3 scrambled eggs, ice lemon tea and ice cream. eaten in reverse order.=]
plopped myself in front of tv after. watching a nice 50s show about allan freed i think, the dude who founded rnb and rock and roll.. the apprentice, tenis, badminton, and some other stuff i cant remember anymore. tired.
why must shaun greg and ian irritate me simultaneously after my sis and mom come and nag at me concurrently. fucking irritating. u get my point. whole day im sitting here so benign. then suddenly every mother son come kachiow me. its not my fault okay. its not your either i know i know.
but fuck you anyway.


if i still miss you after six months, am i stupid or serious about you?
if i still think about you after getting a big fat no, am i hopeless?
oh shut up cai. shut the flying fuck up.

hunger and anger.

good luck to all those taking their exams. esp empathize with NUS peeps. cos im one of them soon. while you're keeping your head down, this cliche post from a video i watched may help.

"tough times dont last, tough men do"

and if you're at your wits end, dont know what your heading for,

"if you have a day to chop down a tree, spend half the day sharpening your axe"

so for those who havent been sharpening your axes often, chooosing to shop, sleep, slack around.
you most probably reap what u will sow. im not banging you guys, its just facing the truth.
dont have to feel so terrible bout doing badly, cos you've had your fun right?.=]


listening to: camron-hey ma

kris: what was that all about man?.
u sped off faster than a ferrari.
fast come fast go. leaves me spinning.

apricot time

hmm..okay. went clubbing in zouk for the first time in ages. last time i went was january.
not too bad. mambo is getting lousier. phuture is still sardines. why girls go eludes me. if i were a girl i'd not want my feel stomped upon, tits grabbed, and cigarette smoke in my hair. even as i guy im turned off sometimes. not too many friends there yday...but i think it was better than 3 hours of dota. cheaper too since we got in free. sick part was playing dota after clubbing from 4-6 am. thats bad. my hero couldnt walk straight. then i saved on cab when mark drove me and isaac to clementi via his BM 7SERIES. grace u lucky wooman. took forever to get a cab, then cost me 15 eventually...wtf.
anyway doing POL and link up drills with my trainees today was so hard cos my eyes kept shutting. somehow i managed to get by. hope none of them noticed. the eye bags were
like HUGE!
ended late hence im home late... not without drama tho. damn tire of the jeep punctured. then this dude sped thru a turn and almost flipped the thing over. scary shit. i'll probably settle with the corporal tmr. should he get extras or SOL? hmm..

anyways, im devoid of any new friends. feeling great about myself lately. working on my upper body abit more would make me feel bit less guilty. love my sister. have a rough idea what kinda girl im looking for. fatigue and hydration. need to fix up my bed soon. perpetually haunted by past. needs new keypad. needs to reregister my boat with maritime authority. HANDPHONE BILLS AT A ALLTIME LOW WOOHOO. just some thoughts in my head lately. love all you guys and girls=]

avixe.

when i'm with you. i wanna be myself.
i hope im the one you'd laugh at when i do something silly.
cos i love doing silly things. dont wanna take life too serious.
cos honestly, whats there to be serious about?.
i dont wanna act strong, flawless or totally confident about myself.
you make me seem to want to, cos u do it yourself.
im too much of a cockster to keep up a macho facade.
but i totally love you nonetheless.



a vision of excellence.

hello

outfield in an hours time. to do nothing by the way.
this is a plea for kind souls to text me on my phone.

thanks jie for giving me cuttlefish to soothe my pain.


current music: burn-

the one which goes "i want you to burn, burn for me baby."





im actually talking to total strangers and my trainees bout dota.
holy.
oh yea yday was good
thanks guys
everyone was there. sengloeng zhen zhang. damn so long never see some of them
then gerald chris adriel also popped up.
song boh?
haha

vegetables on the dinner table

still home. waiting for ian to confirm so we can meet at 9.


can someone whos perfectly balanced with me step out?
or am i condemned to fleeting friends? found a friends blog recently. actually few moments ago.
good, ian just texted.


but seriously, i need a friend whos in sync with me.
of who else shall i share the thoughts i coop in my head?
this blog can only reveal so much. there's too many megabytes.
i need either a bigger brain, or a fissure in my head.

god, borrow me one of your angels for eternity
somehow even in prayer i can use horrid english.
long as he gets the idea. i beg you.
to be lonely is punishment far worse than jail.
to be muted is far worse than to fail.

sitemeters up.

i seem to blog more camp nowadays... everyday when i head home, i meet the guys for chilling, gaming. not very healthy, but i think its quite a good thing to have a close group of friends. at any point in time, its something u dont wanna lose. not like its a forever thing, but company's always good. i dont know how much of me they actually know. maybe beneath the laughs there isnt much? i dont know. but i know that having a hearty laugh with someone is reason enough to be friends with him/her. makes life more enjoyable u think? its not escapism btw, just hanging out with the sorta crowd which makes u happier. i think thats it.

slept at 2 and woke at 5. probably could use some nap later...damn.

got lotsa stuff in the head when im idling and thinking.
need to draw from those now.

oh did i mention earlier? may 8 is my last day in camp. pink is such a wonderful colour i must reiterate.=]

i wanna make more friends. new ones of course. boys girls gays aquas. bring em on... there's alot more interesting characters to know out there. the nutcases and the quirks.
maybe NUS will help, but my character lately hasnt been conducive for social work.
for the record, im dreading going to NUS. it reminds me too much of the "anus"
im sorry.

okay..week's ending. for all those who read the blog and know me. please drop me messages or smses. wheres the love? this site hits shouldnt be all random surfers right???. ha. hopefully not. even so the random people can also tag or sth. damn. im probably the only person who logs on to his blog ten times dailies hoping for updates.
ciao.

katsudon

stupid oc. ended the meeting so late hence im staying in camp now.
good things happened, like a wonderful dinner, dota in camp, and generally ALOT of sleep even tho its one thirty. managed to chat with lingyu this morning before camp today which is getting rarer. hope i wasnt too groggy. really means alot to keep in touch with her.. knowing how shes doing day to day is always good. too many friends just disappear. michelle, where'd u go?. deans list ate you up? and all the overseas friends. holy. all gone. NUS will leave me alot less time for all this, so im trying to grab some of everyone before its too late.

tired, eyes also closing already. applied for my leave today yea. so hopefully may 9 will be my second last day less 30th may. the new officers here are nice people. even samuel whom hong said was fucked up. and this guy called chester who beat kannan poobalan at ahm. lungless. one of them will be my understudy, so cant wait for him to finish rcc so he'd be "operational" course starts on thursday. good. fast start fast end then NO MORE.=]
looking at isaac's blog made me realise my favourite colour is pink. pink pink pink pink pink (ic). honestly, pinks not too bad a colour. ha. green's nice too but i've had abit too much lately. so sorry green.

kudos to choo's computer expertise. he's so good until he can give the camp computers dota and wireless. planning to play 2v2 tmr already. the com engineering degree from canada is really great. makes him very relevant. or rather indispensible. and a com whiz man. i cant really get the point across enough can i.

there's someone i know who's bugging the shit outta me. intruding into my private space. worse still. intruding into my friends. its basically some female friends and my best friend. very rude. very unexpected of a girl. demure? elegant? sophisticated? dunno where all that went. she really makes me shake my head. sorry to all those affected. sorry.
d,j,j,l mainly.

okay gonna rest. hope the guys sleeping at home today enjoy what theyve got.
hope is free. so make the most of it. grab it while it lasts!

on the tip my tongue lays piet heins brilliance

THE WISDOM OF THE SPHERES

How instructive
is a star!
It can teach us
from afar
just how small
each other are.



i live for literary brilliance.

driftwood

uknow besides normal costs, food and entertainment, what else do u spend on.?

for me,
its contacts - 80
guitar strings - 10
tennis strings, overgrips - 40
soccer boots - 80


these are things i need in my life now. no everyday costs. but every once in awhile u must top up
happens that now i need all of them. ha.. factor these costs into your living expenses people, cos u cant do with them. so save for them before it catches up with you.

daphne

this lady doesnt blog very much
but whatever she writes, resonates deeply in my insides.

quote

"Lying among the Victorian rose print sheets at 2am I wonder about the ephemeral nature of my life and the huge uncertainty of the eternity that lays before me and I feel myself swimming in meaninglessness. A haphazard array of daily occurrances make up my life: everyday is a varied routine, every routine a binding ritualistic structure in itself.Every second you spend sitting in your room feeling the world passing you by is a moment wasted in the grand wonder of possibilites of what that moment could have been."

"I don't wish I were someone else. I just wish I weren't me.Just for that tiny moment in time. Do you get that sometimes? I do. And it scares the living daylights out of me. 'Cuz for that brief moment, all that I am just vanishes and I am left with the emptiness of all I am not, and the vastness of all that I could be. And the whole elusive meaning behind it all. "

brilliant eh how her mind works? everybody's got to have these thought sometimes.
lest you're brain dead. or incapable of insecurity.
think it happens abit too much in her, but it makes her interesting nonetheless.

more grook for the world weary.

THAT WEARY FEELING

Do you know that weary feeling when your mind is strangely strangled
and your head is like a ball of wool that's very, very tangled;
and the tempo of your thinking must be lenient and mild,
as though you were explaining to a very little child.


=].

latest update: injured arm, disorganised phase, feeling slack too. very long hair. feeling good.


hope you are, too.

cactii

monday posts are rare.

visit http://www.putfile.com/media.php?n=ma1506

newest fad in town.
if it doesnt work out. then heres the gist

boy like girl
boy ask professor for help
professor puts a big slide during lecture
boy gives her el cheapo flowers
class adjourned.

big hoohaa.
boy disappeares after getting rejected.
girl, cos name is on screen, gets alot of attention.
girls blog kenna rape, xiaxue gets jealous(ok kidding)
people start bugging her.
she bitches and whines.


so cai the human behavioural scientist tells you why.
firstly, the boy really liked the girl so he came up with an "unorthodox way"
stupid nonetheless. but yes unorthodox.
professor thought young people are more liberal nowadays so he was willing to help.
girl got embarassed, guy went under the radar.
natural for the girl to get defensive, but she didnt appreciate the guys effort.
not one bit. why?

cos he's one of those heck it guys who'd do anything. hell if you like her tell her for christs sakes.
shes one of those girls wanna play hard to get, tad too traditional. likes the thrill of the chase.

guy was insensitive, liberal. girl was old school, old fashioned.

after reading her blog, which is quite boring anyway, i think she should scold the guy for being an asshole, but thank him for making the effort. cos if he werent sincere he wouldnt have told prof. and he should apologise to her for everything he's caused, and ask for a date. no el cheapo flowers this time.

easier said than done innit?. do it.




bored la. lemme rant. i love rationalising people behaviour. love it.

to my dearest janette

why must you leave me?
why now? why today?
why am i making myself cry?

if only u knew how much it hurts to have someone close to me leave after sooo long
listening to writing to reach you only made me write this letter to you.

i cant put what i really feel in ink, but i hope somehow u feel it.

when jie comes back later and we send you off, albeit to hougang still, how am i to hold back these tears? how'm i to just see you go like this?

life doesnt stop and wait.. we must move on. but i'll leave this moment reminiscing all the things u did for me. RIBENA!!! i'll never drink another glass again. not unless you made it for me.

if given the choice, i'd keep you in my closet forever.
if not for the fact u have a husband and children somewhere too.


cai is terribly sad today.

forked roads

have u ever felt, like you had no one to turn to?
like you were having a love sanction from all the rest of the world.

i hope not.

i learnt today that at the lowest of lows, not even God can save you.
so fuck you.

i'll stick to sitting pretty on my favourite cheekueh throne by myself.
so fuck you.

i'll be just as great in whatever i seek to do.
so fuck you.

and if u say "whatever dude"
i say fuck you.

thoughts and feelings

this weekend is gonna fly by in a whirl. its already saturday evening.!!
sheesh...tmr i wake up and its sunday... neway. cdf stands for chief of defence force caame to visit us on friday. where all the wayang and stuff were prepared for his arrival. prosperous would describe his belly. studious is how you'd describe his face. probably met more outstanding personnel in my 2 year tour in the army. but he has my respect for being a scholar i guess. must be a clever man.... least he's got a sense of humour.
wednesday is the training. thursday is my dental FFI. which is funny cos why'd they have to certify my teeth when im leaving the army?. thought the uni's would wanna do that. and fridays intelligence dining in. really dont wanna go but i gotta waste 85 bucks to. stupid right.. leave it for the regulars better. only good point is i can wear my new zara shoes which has been sitting around for awhile.
work aside, things have been going smoothly. to a certain extent. havent seen my parents and sis for the whole week and doubt i will. they'd go sebana and sis would go adrians house. sad.
it really sucks to have shu, lim go canada, mama to disappear completely, and the rest barely keen on going siglap. its like the parks so near but the children dont wanna go.
shauns celebration was fun... i think he was happy. sadako decided to visit.. i shall ask ian for the photo. abit blur tho.... shaun had a piece of chocolate cheesecake force fed into his mouth by me.
dirtied his super plain white shirt so he'd wear the topman one we just bought him. how on earth would anyone wear so shabbily for a date i dont know...a movie date at that. then we chatted and chatted. attendance: gabe isaac terence(idunnohim) greg ian jh shaun heather(his date) vicky eileen and our dear zhiguang.
visited ian's house for the night for the first time..nobad...quite nice i must say.... like the bedsheets.. same as mine.
youknow how they say you'd really hate to grow up, and live in reality. corporate life and all that? at this moment i really beg to differ. i really find nothing greater than pursuing my lifes dreams. i know the process wont be like smooth and all. but i really wanna start living independantly. job sounds lemming like. but i know i can do better. we'll see about that. family sounds great. hands full with making those i care about happy. and some spare time to keep myself happy too. i wanna chase all these things. im sick of being carefree. i need a greater purpose. im growing up a tad too slowly. im not old enough to even be a good boyfriend to anyone. not that the girls my age are ready (in my opinion). but the progress is really too slow. luckily we all know change is progressive and i hope over the past few years i've moved the right stones for my path ahead. i wont know. its the people around me who observe the evolution. and now i wish they'd tell me. i blog, i play tennis, soccer, lan. these things keep me happy NOW. but in the process of this i dont wanna neglect things of higher importance further down in life. so how about LATER?. the truth is. later never comes. its only whether you're prepared for it now.
lost?. good for you. cos i thought that was quite useful.

type until im enlightened. brilliant. gonna hit some weights. dont want me to be the skinny llama do you?